Well, this one pretty much got away from me...

There's a dry erase board by one of the busiest walkway intersections at my old workplace.  This board could be used to relay useful information, but I think people usually just used it to write clever phrases or post cute pictures.  At one point, someone wrote the phrase "FREEDOM IS NOT FREE" on the board.  This phrase stayed their for quite some time.  Eventually, another coworker got cute with it and changed "NOT" to "FAT", which was pretty funny. Apparently it didn't amuse the original poster, because it was soon changed back to "NOT" and left alone for another couple of weeks.  Eventually the whole thing was erased and replaced with something work-related, and that particular message never came back. 

For some reason, that reminds me of the time I went into the restroom at the same former workplace and saw a slip of paper that said "You're looking handsome today!" taped to the mirrors by the sinks.  (I'm pretty sure this had something to do with a campaign the local Christian radio station was doing at the time)  I wish I could say that it made my day or lifted my spirits for even a brief moment, but really it just sort of puzzled me a bit. If it'd been a verse of encouragement, say, from scripture, or even the sort of positive-thinking saying you'd see on a motivational poster about looking for the best in each day, then I could have gone with that.  But a random slip of paper complimenting my appearance?  It just seemed sort of random.  Now if an actual coworker would have looked at me and then said I looked nice, I might be a bit flattered, or at least appreciative that they'd taken the time to say something nice to me.  But you, random slip of paper?  You can't even see me.  You don't know what you're talking about.  (I'm pretty sure I even said aloud, "How do you know?" after looking at the paper every time I washed my hands for a few days)  Yet no one took the papers down because whoever posted them had meant well and because nobody wanted to possibly offend whoever had gone to the trouble to try to brighten our days. 

And to this day, I should mention, I really do appreciate the intent of both of the above examples.

Anyway, back to the papers.  One day, my ornery side got the best of me.  I enlisted the help of a female coworker and posted new complements in both the men's and women's restrooms (after confirming that the ladies' room had also been rather complimentary the previous week or so).  Now anyone washing their hands after a successful trip to the loo were met not only with "You're looking handsome today!" but also with "Your penmanship is most favorable!" 

A couple days later, all the slips of paper were removed, and ever again were random compliments taped in public places at work. 

This is not what I originally sat down to blog about tonight.

Sunday Specials: Haiku

Since I missed Feature Friday this week, I'll do a late-night Sunday Special.  Then it's off to bed, because tomorrow is a Writing Day!



My heart yearns to dance.
Hemmed in it is on each side.
Lungs and ribs and such. 


Dolphins always look
like they're so gosh-darned happy.
Bottle-nosed, that is.

Carrots grow below.
Wolves run in the untamed wild.
Men like to eat beef.  

Use your umbrella
When it rains, or when you need
Shade.  Not for dueling.

Blogger keeps giving
an error message.  I don't
know what it is for. 

Have you ever tried
to knock someone out?  It's much
harder than you'd think. 

Emotion drifts like
the ice you never see but
know is there somewhere. 

I'd like to ride in
a hot-air balloon. No, I
don't really want that.

The lion and the
unicorn, fighting for the
crown.  The hippo won.

I keep stepping on
all these dang toys.  Why are there
so, so many toys?

The last line on that
last haiku was kind of a
cheat. Oh well. Who cares?

How would you describe
the taste of the inside of
your mouth?  The world turns...

"Actors will be paid
a stipend" is code for "You
might make thirty bucks."

I should start a new
feature called, "Things seen this week
on Theatreport." 

I've always wanted
to make friends with a penguin.
Won't happen, though.  Sigh.

If monkeys and apes
are so smart, why haven't they
learned how to steal cars? 

Red.  Color of love.
Green.  Color of a thousand
frogs.  Popcorn is white.

La da da.  La da
da.  La da da.  La da da.
I wrote a pop song.

I never learned how
to play the  harmonica.
Shoot.  I would be rich.

Still getting the same
error message from Blogger.
I need Tron. Where's Tron? 

Put on a creepy
robe. Pop some popcorn.  Sip on
some herbal iced tea.

This will be the last
haiku I write tonight.  So
goodnight. I'm for bed.

Don't mess with hippos....

...because they are freaking terrifying.

Anything that can make a rhino turn tail and run is bad news.



Not impressed?  Check out this hippo relentlessly thrashing a large male crocodile.



I won't post the video of a hippo basically biting off a lioness' head, because ew.  I will, however, provide a link for the curious. 

Hippos are regarded as one of the most aggressive animals in Africa. They also apparently hate humans, as they've been known to attack fairly regularly and without provocation. In a land of crocodiles, lions, and rock pythons, the locals consider hippos to be the most dangerous creature. Let  that sink in for a minute.

I found a website that offered some tips of how to avoid a hippo attack.  They all pretty much boiled down to "stay away from hippos."  My favorite tip said that "Yelling and waving your arms won't do much good against a rampaging hippo."  Ya think???

Now, LONG-time readers of this blog will know I've been trying to warn the world for years about the eventual Humboldt squid war on mankind.  However, now I'm a little frightened that hippos may beat them to the punch. They've already got the advantage in that they can travel and attack by both land and sea.  (Well, rivers, anyway) 

FOMW Nightmare Fodder of the Week: the dreaded Humboldt Hippo! 

*shudders*

I need a happy thought after that:

The Lord is my....oceanographer?

...I shall not want...for great shots of sea turtles?

I had a pretty good Monday.  Well, one unwanted call from a bill collector harassing us for a payment that wasn't sent because the invoice wasn't sent to the right address a year ago notwithstanding.  Beautiful weather, good rehearsal, good opportunities for the next year.  Some dog-tiredness, but that's to be expected in my world.  All in all, though, I can't complain.  Or at least, I won't. 

Keeping this short tonight, because I've got some work to do yet and it's already  midnight.  I've had this song drifting through my head most of the day.  It's quite lovely and soothing.  I'm passing it along in the hope that it brings at least a moment of calm into you Tuesday.  We really don't have "calm" anymore.  We have moments of inactivity, but they're rarely peaceful.  So hopefully this helps.

I don't know why the video is comprised entirely of ocean videos, but I like the ocean so we'll let it slide.  Besides, fish are calming, right? 

Top 7 House of Heroes tracks

As a teenage, you always wonder why your parents are still listening to the same music they liked back when they were teenagers.  And then you go to college, and then you graduate college, and you realize you can't buy four CDs a month like you used to, so you stick with your old favorite for a little while, and before you know it you can't figure out why all the new stuff that's popular is so terrible and you wonder why they don't still make awesome music like they did ten years ago.

And then one day you remember wondering why your parents never moved past their decade of choice, and suddenly you get it.

I don't think many of us get very many new "favorite bands" once they get to be about 30 years old or so.  Or if we do, they don't really reach the same elite status in our minds as our favorite bands from when we were younger. I've made an attempt to discover new Christian rock artists I can get into, but for the most part there just aren't many.  I'd say this is because the genre is suffering lately, but the truth is it's always been pretty thin on quality and I just wasn't very picky back in the day.  (Not to say there weren't a few gems, and one day Robbie and Isaac will wonder why I'm still listening to them)  One band that I've discovered fairly recently who I actually would lump in as one of my favorite bands is the rock group House of Heroes. I'd heard the name bounced around a few places, but what got me to check them out was an interview I read with Five Iron frontman Reese Roper, who commented that HoH was one of his current faves.  Reese and I have had pretty similar taste in music in the past, so I checked The End Is Not The End out from the library next time I was there.  After about three tracks, I was hooked. 

It's difficult for me to tell you what HoH is like, because I have three of their albums (plus a few Christmas tracks and an EP of Beatles covers) and they're all drastically different.  The often-lighthearted Suburba is a collection of rock anthems nostalgically recalling the triumphs of youth in the suburbs, while the preceding The End Is Not The End (one of my very favorite albums) is an intense, often emotionally-charged collection of songs that are mostly themed in the post-World War II era for some reason.  The most recent album, Cold Hard Want, is more of your "typical" rock/alternative record without following any specific theme.  I love the band's harmonies, I love the aggressive guitars, I love the epic feel they bring to their faster stuff, and I appreciate the delicateness with which they handle their ballads.  Many of their tunes also have a strong sense of storytelling to them, which of course is always a selling point with me. 

While HoH is considered to be a "Christian band," they carry the name in the same way that, say, Switchfoot does: very few of their songs are strongly, overtly faith-based. Instead, you see them examining life through the lens of their faith.  There are a few earnest songs which I'd consider worshipful, but very rarely do you hear the name of Jesus.  (This seems to be a trend with my favorite artists)  The lyrics are often laced with biblical imagery, and you might miss the reference if you're not familiar with the scripture. For example, my favorite stanza from the song "Constant" features the lyric "We always want time to hoard up our treasures and bury our dead/ It's true what he said, the foxes have holes but the king has no place for his head."  Stuff like that. 

And full disclosure: I am a johnny-come-lately with this band, so I don't know any of their indie stuff from before The End.  Sorry if any true HoH fans come across this.  You can call me a poser if you want.  

Anyway, it's very difficult for me to narrow this down to seven, partially because I like a lot of their songs and partially because the albums are often complete pieces (sorta like what I've said before about Switchfoot's Hello Hurricane CD) and it's difficult to break them into pieces, at least in my mind.  Nevertheless, here are my personal

TOP 7 HOUSE OF HEROES TRACKS

 #7: Constant

from Suburba

I pray for relief

But relief doesn't come, just the will to press on

With only your song, 

Your love makes me strong when all hope is gone.

 

I know I just said they don't have a lot of overtly faith-based songs, but this is probably one of the few, and I consider it very worshipful.  A modern-day psalm, if you will. 

Aaaaaand I don't know that there's really much more to say about it.  It's very pretty. I like it.

#6: I Am a Symbol

 from Cold Hard Want

First man through is an easy kill

But no one's safe if we all stand still

So let my life be a song

And let that song carry on.

This is a very dramatic song, which is of course one of the reasons it sticks with me.  This is one of those which is clearly written from a believer to a believer, but the truth inherent in the song goes beyond just the realm of faith.  I love the way the song keeps building, I love the epic chorus at the end, what can I say, I love the song.  This is also the song that closes out the CD, so it's a pretty cool way to go out.  

#5: The Cop

from Cold Hard Want

The rain falls on the blessed ones
The rain falls on the damned
And you've changed my mind
And I love you more than I love myself
 

Here's an example of HoH using a song to tell a story.  This is a pretty short song that manages to tell an awful lot in its three minutes. It's both sweet and sad, both solemn and celebratory, and sometimes it still manages to get me to brush back a tear.  But the bottom line is it's a love story about a guy who's been disillusioned by his years serving on the force and the young woman who helped him find hope again.  It sets it up, gets you to care, leaves you with something to think about, and then it's done.  Plus it's pretty.  All in 3:10.  

#4: If

from The End Is Not The End

I could be in love if you wore that dress every day

With your hair just so and your eyes of gray

You make a beautiful bird on a line

Yeah, it's just another song about a guy pining for a girl he doesn't have, and yeah, the lyrics are a little strange.  (He calls her a "beautiful bride of Frankenstein."  Is that a complement?)  But you know what?  It's ridiculously catchy and really dang sing-along-able, and I cannot get enough of it.  

#3: God Save the Foolish Kings

from Suburba

Midnight at the school behind the bleachers

Oh, there's gonna be a rumble,

But the cops won't be notified...

All right, official music video!

This song is incredibly cheesy.  It's this massive epic about two gangs meting to rumble under the bleachers at high school while their girlfriends at home beg them not to do anything crazy.  The song is a rock anthem celebrating the adrenaline-pumping idiocy of youth. "We were young, we were dumb, we thought this was the biggest thing in the world at the time, and something about it was awesome."  Musically speaking, this song is just a monster.  It flat out rocks.  It always makes me grin and brings to my mind the phrase We are always the hero in our own story.  This song is Just For Fun, and while there are many who believe that Christian artists always need to have Something Significant to say, well, I disagree.  Sometimes it's fine just to be epic and awesome.  

#2: By Your Side

from The End Is Not The End

And we were soldiers then, our bodies in the sand
And like that sand through our hands go our grandest plans
And just to see your face for one moment,
I'd cross the ocean again
The end is not the end...

Okay, are you ready?

Another story song about two brothers who grow up together in the plains, go off to war together, where one dies.   This song is the surviving brother grappling with life, death, faith, and the pain of losing his brother.  It is a sad, hopeful, beautiful song.  Plus, it comes right after #1 on this list on the album, and together it's one heck of an emotional sock-in-the-gut.  Now, it may just be because I'm the father of two boys myself that this one hits so hard.  But even if that is the case, this is my list, so that's a valid enough reason to put it at #2.  

Seriously.  I love this song.  Almost enough to make it...

#1: Code Name: Raven

from The End Is Not The End

I saw their black coats forming lines

They hit our beaches running

We're on our knees, but not to pray...

I don't really even know where to start with this song. It's the combination of everything I've lauded elsewhere in this list.  It's big, it's aggressive, it's got the epic chorus, the tight harmonies, the storytelling, the philosophy of sacrifice, and the emotional pull.  It practically assaults the listener with drums and guitar straight out of the gate. It builds suspense. It's exhilarating.  And it just doesn't sound quite right unless it's played very loudly.  To me, it's just about everything that I love about HoH packed into about four minutes of music and then shaken like a can of soda.  

So there you go.  A quick look at one of my New Faves.  Hope you can find something in there that ya like.  

Baseball is gut *Updated 2/27*

No really, read this one.

I've been listening to spring training games on the radio the past couple of days and am getting kind of stoked for baseball season to get here.  That's got baseball on my mind quite a bit lately, so I thought it would be fun to write a blog in which I make a baseball team out of my loyal FOMW readers!  The problem is, I don't have a ton of regular readers any more on account of my not doing any regular blogging for a very long time.  So to be eligible for the team, you have to be someone that I know (or at least suspect) still follows (or has followed) this blog recently.  That means anybody who's mentioned something I wrote in the blog in conversation, left a comment, or +1'd a post (whatever the heck that is) in the past, oh, four months or so.  Since whenever I started doing the interview thing, whenever that was.

Now, if you're left off the team, and you still follow long, it just means I didn't realize you were still out there.  Drop me a comment and I'll find a spot for you.

Okay, here's the batting lineup of the official FOMW baseball team, mostly likely called The Panthers.  Because Panthers are Fierce.

Darn right.

Right.  (I'm the manager, because it's my blog.  But I'm a playing manager, because we don't have enough players for a 25-man roster)

Leadoff hitter: Jason B, RF.  I didn't know where to put you in the field, but I decided we needed your cannon of an arm to throw out baserunners.  And you're also hitting leadoff because, of the FOMW family, I think you may be the only one who has a prayer of getting on base with regularity.

#2 hitter: Me, CF. I love tracking down fly balls.  I'm actually not bad at it, either, though I probably don't have the jump that I used to.  I figure if I can hit about .260 with 15-20 home runs, I'm having a pretty awesome season.  Plus, if the year's half over and I'm clearly not getting it done at the plate, I'm not afraid to bunt Jason home (after he steals 2nd and 3rd).

#3 hitter: Sherri M., LF.  We're gonna have to have girls on this team, and I don't want to throw 'em all at the bottom of the order because that sounds sexist.  Plus, I think Sherri could deliver a little pop at the plate, on account of she keeps a baseball bat in her room, so hopefully she's picked up some slugging power by osmosis.

Cleanup hitter: Dave M, 1st base.  I know you've got experience playing the position.  Also, I don't care what your ending batting average is, but we're gonna need you to pop out about 40-50 home runs.

#5 hitter: Brad B., C.  I think my brother-in-law could make a good catcher.  He's very quick-witted and analytical, and I think he could find ways to mess with opposing hitters' heads.

#6 hitter: Travis H., 3B.  The hot corner!  Need someone who can make the throw from third to first.  Also expecting you to provide a bit of offensive stability for the bottom half of the order.

#7 hitter: Hannah S., 2B.  I put you at second because virtually every throw you make will only have to go to the shortstop covering 2nd or the 1st baseman (Dave).  That will better suit your skill set than a position where you'd have to make a bunch of longer throws.  Also, you're small, so you'll have a tiny strike zone, so hopefully you'll get a lot of BB's.

#8 hitter: Vacant, SS.  Of course, if we don't find a short stop, Hannah will have to play 2nd and short at the same time.  But she's an stage manager, so she'll be fairly well-prepared for this.  (I would  put my wife in this spot, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to play.  Plus, someone has to watch the boys while I'm managing and playing center field)

#9 hitter: Abby B, SP.  Abby, you're the pitcher because you're a lefty.  And everybody is always looking for left-handed pitcher.  Also, you're the only pitcher, so you'll have to start every game.  And there are no relievers. So, I hope you're ready to throw a LOT of pitches.
 *********************************************
*UPDATE*

Holly  has chimed in, which is great!  Unfortunately for our baseball team, she is  With Child right now, so she'll be inactive for about half the season.  Once her maternity leave is over, though, she'll split time with Abby on the mound.    This woman has deceivingly high levels of arm strength.  (Or at least she did seven or so years ago)  Seriously.  If you ever arm-wrestled this girl back in her prime, you found yourself thinking, "Where is all this upper-body strength coming from?"  I expect a fastball somewhere in the high 80's.  Plus, she's, like, four-foot-eleven, so she'll be the first pitcher in history who's slider has to move up to hit the strike zone. 

Good pickup, good pickup. 


*********************************************

So there you have it!  The FOMW baseball team!  I think we'd be awesome.

Obviously, my work on this project led me to only one natural conclusion: I need more loyal readers so I can build a better pretend baseball team.  (Yes, this thought actually entered my head)  So how can I get more readers?

By blogging more.  Duh.

So what is all this, really?  This is my way of saying hey, I'm going to start blogging more!  I'm actually committed to regular blogging, which hasn't been the case since my 2nd attempt at a 365 blog.  I'm thinking of  a loose M-W-F format with the occasional Saturday Surprise.  Because alliterations are cool.  Also because alliterations are cool: Feature Fridays!  This will begin this Friday with a new Top 7.  I'll also keep the interviewer around, because I have fun with those. Now, you have to understand that this means I'll be posting a lot of stuff you probably don't care about, because that's how regular blogging works.  That's how the 365's worked, and that's probably how this'll work.  "I have nothing valuable to say, BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO BLOG TODAY!"  But hopefully, on the whole, you'll see both quantity AND quality improve.

And maybe, just maybe, we'll find our shortstop. And the rest of our starting rotation.  And a couple of relievers.

Man, our baseball team sucks right now. 

Not All Robots Are Good...

Fun fact: Supposedly, all the robots in Wall-E are "Three-Laws Compliant."  Project: re-watch Wall-E with the focused intent of trying to find a robot in violation of any of the three laws. 

The bots in the classic Mega Man series are also said (by many) to be bound by Asimov's Three Laws. Even the Wily-bots.  Which makes them an odd choice of means by which to take over the world.  Or maybe the Robot Masters abide by the laws, but the "drone" enemies within the stages aren't actually sentient, thus they're the ones who do the actual damage and the masters exist solely to remain locked in a room waiting for Mega Man to arrive so that they can battle him.

Though, if that's the case, why would Mega Man bother with them at all?  I mean, it's not like they're hurting anyone behind those Wily gates.  Shoot, apparently they can't hurt anyone.  (So saith Dr. Wily at the end of Mega Man 7)  Unless the masters' life forces somehow power the re-spawning technology for the drones that are doing the actual damage...

But if that's the case, how could the robot masters continue to power the creation of drones that will ultimately harm humans?  If they don't realize what they're doing, does that mean they can actually harm humans?

Or was Wily just making that up in MM7 so that the blue bomber wouldn't shoot him?

Whatever.  That's totally not what this post is supposed to be about, anyway.

I've had to change the comments section on this blog.  The past few months, I have been getting a LOT of comments...on blog posts that are years old...and they all thank me for my excellent research on the subject matter, or how my blog is a refreshing and thoughtful look at the circumstances at hand, and they all end with links.  And for some reason, they all tend to fixate on one particular post at a time.  So I've had to delete roughly a dozen comments from the post entitled "Yip-or-Treat" in the past week. 

That's right, the decidedly non-three-law-compliant spam-bots have found my blog.  Fortunately, blogger is armed with the spam-bots' one weakness: WORD VERIFICATION!  Sorry, spam-bots.  To quote the immortal Dangeresque: "Dyin's not on the menu!"  FOMW will not go down so easily!

Ahem.

Anyway, just letting you all know about the change and why it's changed.  From now on, when you want to leave that occasional comment, you may have to type a word in a box or something.  I apologize for the inconvenience.  I swear it's not me trying to be all Big Government in your life.  It's to protect us all from the bots.

And, I just cannot end this blog post without sharing a video of Battlebots, so here ya go: