Geez, folks. It's been a long time. And I don't mean a long time in the sense that it's been something like three weeks since I blogged. I mean a long time in the sense that a lot of stuff has happened, I'm occasionally feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, and life is continuing to change substantially.
I had a metaphor I was going to put here, but I couldn't get it just the way I wanted it, so I'll spare you. This time ;-)
Basically, I kind of feel like I'm letting people down, and that if I don't make some choices soon I'm going to let everybody else down as well.
But!
You're not here because you care about me. You're here because you want to read a blog! (Kidding. That's actually kind of a funny idea; I may use it for a short-story or something someday) So here's what we gon' do:
First, I will not be finishing up the Week of Features. An evil ninja threatened to do bad things to all of you if I finished it*, and I'd hate to have the on my conscience. Besides, it sorta lost momentum over the two months of silence anyway, didn't it? Besides, I've got some other topics I probably ought to talk about if I get the time and/or energy: The hellish move, the slow-going "settling in" process, the weekend in Chicago, the lengthy Internet drought. (I'm sorry, for instance, you got no hockey preview this year. I'm sure you'll all recover) And maybe I'll post some pictures from when I went to Knott's Berry Farm back during the Californy vacation. Because that was actually a really fun day, and we got a couple of cute shots of Robbie.
And who knows. I may even disappear for awhile. Because I have things I have to take care of. But if I do disappear, I'll come back. I always come back. But I won't really even keep up the pretense of making this a "daily blog." It'll just be a regular blog.
I know, I know, that's always the beginning of the end. Just check out the last-updated numbers on the blogroll to my left. Eight of them updated in the last week, and of those eight only five of them had posted anything within the previous month. We bloggers always start out really enthusiastic, blogging every day, and then we cool off for a little bit, and then we start spouting off a paragraph here and there a couple times a month, and then we make a grand attempt at a comeback, but sooner or later most blogs eventually peter out.
And you know what? That's actually okay, too.
So we'll see what happens as FOMW becomes just another update-when-the-guy-feels-like-it blog. Shoot, I started my first 365 blog (the successful one) as an exercise. It's always been about being a creative outlet, connecting with others, and helping me become a better writer. When those functions are served, then it's probably time to shut it down anyway.
Besides, I've got some other blog-related ideas I'd like to get started on. Again, exercises. Some of which you may like anyway.
So, for the first time in a while, I feel like I can't really tell you what to expect from this space. Or any space. More changes, I guess. A different format. More thoughts that I actually take time to sit down and work out before posting, perhaps? Who knows?
Good days are ahead.
*This may or may not be a true statement
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
v2, d417: Not a feature
This is not a feature, but I thought I'd pop in to say that, one week before our move-out date, Kim and I have finally secured a place to move in to. Also, I'll probably have to refrain from blogging until after the move.
Much, much to do.
See you all on the flip side!
Much, much to do.
See you all on the flip side!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
v2, d416: WOF2, #5: Explaining Why I Havne't Blogged Lately
That's become a regular feature, right?
Dave recently called me out for not blogging since Tuesday. And, of course, he had a point: I promise a Week of Features, and after four days I disappear FOR A WHOLE WEEK!!! It's a good thing most of my readers keep in touch with me via other methods, because otherwise the Internet would think I was dead. On that: let's face it, time has moved on in the WBW universe (literary reference only two of you will ever get!). Yes, this week has a seven-day break in the middle of it. And it may be an eight-or-nine day week. Are you surprised? I mean, how often does Random Nintendo Game of the Month happen? Yeah. We'll just say units of time are relative. Don't worry, you'll get your full week in soon.
Next up: I don't think y'all realize how tired you can get when 5 hours of sleep is a good night. The other night, I fell asleep at 4:45 a.m. Heck, in the past couple of years there've been times when I've had to wake up at that point in order to get to work on time. My efforts to fall asleep at a more manageable hour have thus far been thwarted, but I am not defeated! Still, I am pretty tired, and after awhile "try to sleep" starts to win out of "Week of Features."
Third: I have done some potentially-for-profit writing lately. I've had friends abandon blogging for a time because they are writing a book and say they just can't write a book and keep up a blog. Well, I think that in the past I've proven that I can do that. However, I cannot always write a book, keep up a blog, and take care of kids at home. As much as I want to still be that hoss blogger who comes up with something for every single day, it's probably not important enough for me to neglect other responsibilities. (That doesn't mean that you lovely people aren't important. It means that Shuffleblog probably oughtn't take precedence over putting food on the table)
Fourth: Have I mentioned that I'm moving in twelve days? And it's still not confirmed where exactly I'm moving to? (We've applied to a place, it should go through okay, but still. Prayers are appreciated) That takes some time/energy.
So that's why I haven't blogged for the past week. Even now, I'm writing this while eating my lunch at 10:45 (because I'm not sure when Isaac will give me another chance to eat) when I'd rather be working on a new play script. I imagine that in the near future, I'll do less "regular blogging" and more of the standard "I'll blog when I have time/something to say" blogging. Which is sad, because invariably that's when every blog I've ever followed eventually gets neglected, and readers become disinterested, so the blogger becomes disinterested, and then the blog dies. Now, I have no plans on that happening, but history teaches that it probably will sooner or later anyway.
But not anytime soon. Trust me, I'm still committed to blogging. It's still fun, and I know I've still got the loyal few who enjoy that I do it. So when I disappear for a day or two (or seven), know that I'm still here. I promise I'll tell y'all when I'm losing interest. Because by that point, most of you probably will have already lost it, too.
More regular features, starting "tomorrow" ;-)
(Edit: Another unofficial feature: hockey-related links you won't read!
"Our Dates Chose Hockey Over Prom"
Former Aero and Official FOMW Favorite Josh Harding's return from a year and a half of suck is tonight. Here's the story.
Finally, greatest trailer of the year: Dark Knight Rises? Harry Potter 7.2? The Avengers spot at the end of Captain America? Or this trailer made for some German hockey team?
(Though personally, I like last year's better)
Dave recently called me out for not blogging since Tuesday. And, of course, he had a point: I promise a Week of Features, and after four days I disappear FOR A WHOLE WEEK!!! It's a good thing most of my readers keep in touch with me via other methods, because otherwise the Internet would think I was dead. On that: let's face it, time has moved on in the WBW universe (literary reference only two of you will ever get!). Yes, this week has a seven-day break in the middle of it. And it may be an eight-or-nine day week. Are you surprised? I mean, how often does Random Nintendo Game of the Month happen? Yeah. We'll just say units of time are relative. Don't worry, you'll get your full week in soon.
Next up: I don't think y'all realize how tired you can get when 5 hours of sleep is a good night. The other night, I fell asleep at 4:45 a.m. Heck, in the past couple of years there've been times when I've had to wake up at that point in order to get to work on time. My efforts to fall asleep at a more manageable hour have thus far been thwarted, but I am not defeated! Still, I am pretty tired, and after awhile "try to sleep" starts to win out of "Week of Features."
Third: I have done some potentially-for-profit writing lately. I've had friends abandon blogging for a time because they are writing a book and say they just can't write a book and keep up a blog. Well, I think that in the past I've proven that I can do that. However, I cannot always write a book, keep up a blog, and take care of kids at home. As much as I want to still be that hoss blogger who comes up with something for every single day, it's probably not important enough for me to neglect other responsibilities. (That doesn't mean that you lovely people aren't important. It means that Shuffleblog probably oughtn't take precedence over putting food on the table)
Fourth: Have I mentioned that I'm moving in twelve days? And it's still not confirmed where exactly I'm moving to? (We've applied to a place, it should go through okay, but still. Prayers are appreciated) That takes some time/energy.
So that's why I haven't blogged for the past week. Even now, I'm writing this while eating my lunch at 10:45 (because I'm not sure when Isaac will give me another chance to eat) when I'd rather be working on a new play script. I imagine that in the near future, I'll do less "regular blogging" and more of the standard "I'll blog when I have time/something to say" blogging. Which is sad, because invariably that's when every blog I've ever followed eventually gets neglected, and readers become disinterested, so the blogger becomes disinterested, and then the blog dies. Now, I have no plans on that happening, but history teaches that it probably will sooner or later anyway.
But not anytime soon. Trust me, I'm still committed to blogging. It's still fun, and I know I've still got the loyal few who enjoy that I do it. So when I disappear for a day or two (or seven), know that I'm still here. I promise I'll tell y'all when I'm losing interest. Because by that point, most of you probably will have already lost it, too.
More regular features, starting "tomorrow" ;-)
(Edit: Another unofficial feature: hockey-related links you won't read!
"Our Dates Chose Hockey Over Prom"
Former Aero and Official FOMW Favorite Josh Harding's return from a year and a half of suck is tonight. Here's the story.
Finally, greatest trailer of the year: Dark Knight Rises? Harry Potter 7.2? The Avengers spot at the end of Captain America? Or this trailer made for some German hockey team?
(Though personally, I like last year's better)
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
v2, d415: WOF2, #4: Top 7
Well, the time is finally at hand when all Borders stores everywhere are closing their doors forever. (I can't tell you exactly when, but I know it's some time in the next few days) As a hopeful writer and a fairly new reader, I'm really saddened by this. Unfortunately, I have to admit that there is a portion of my life where books and reading were really quite low on the priority scale. A few years ago, however, I started reading again, and I regret those years that I put it down for the sake of...whatever it was I did with my spare time in college. (See, I had so much required reading that I never wanted to do any recreational reading...but that's another blog for another day) That to say, I'm probably not the best person to express exactly why the end of Borders is such a sad thing, so I'll pass that responsibility off into the very capable hands of the Librarian's Daughter.
Regardless of my recent history, literature is now a very big part of who I am and what I'm passionate about, so it's after great reflection and many revisions that I'm finally confident enough in my selections to present my Top 7 Favorite Books (not including the Bible). Most of these books I've already read more than once. The ones that I haven't, I've severely wanted to and likely will in within the year. These are all books I either own or plan to own. They are books I can see myself reading several times over the course of my life. They are books I am always ready to discuss. Usually, the act of thinking about one of these books is enough to make me want to reread it. Because there's no concrete, scientific evaluation process for this sort of thing, I can't guarantee that these seven are may seven favorites every single day or that they don't shuffle around in order from time to time. I'm pretty sure, however, that this is at least a pretty dang close approximation of my Top 7 Favorite Books.
Blood Feud: Detroit Red Wings v. Colorado Avalanche. The Inside Story of Pro Sports' Nastiest and Best Rivalry of its Era by Adrian Dater
I know, I know. I'm starting this list off with some high literature, aren't I? But this is one of the most fun books that I've ever read. Yes, I have the bias that I am an Avalanche fan and that I still remember many of the more memorable clashes between the Avs and Wings in the late 1990s/early 2000s, but the fact is this book is written well enough that you can't help get into the story. While the Avs and Wings never got the publicity of the Yankees/Red Sox or the Lakers/Celtics, the aggressive, emotional nature of hockey escalated this rivalry into something so consistently nasty that I've never seen anything like it in any sport in the twenty years that I've been a sports fan. Most sports rivalries are perpetuated primarily by the fans. Somehow, the epic clash of the Wings and Avs was a personal affair for everybody involved. Players, coaches, reporters, beat writers, trainers. It was flat-out insane. What made it even better, however, is that these were two of the best teams in the league from 1996 through 2002, so in addition to the passionate insanity of rivalry, fans were also treated to some of the best hockey games any of us will ever see.
The reason this book works so well is not that the rivalry itself was so great, it's that Dater does a fantastic job of taking eight years of incidents and people and weaving them into a cohesive story that starts with Claude Lemieux ramming Kris Draper from behind in a playoff game in 1996 and ends with the Wings clobbering the hobbling Avs in game seven of the conference final in 2002. He brings out the stories of the men who made this madhouse so dang entertaining. He evenly portrays every perspective into each anarchic playoff series, every behind-the-scenes shouting match, every ejected coach and goalie fight, and the reader really gets a sense of what a roller coaster ride this rivalry was. It was as if the players knew at the time that what they were involved in was something that doesn't come along every day, and Dater's thrilling account makes a fairly exclusive rivalry in a niche sport into a story about people, pride, and passion. If you can manage the hockey player's vernacular, I'd recommend this to anybody with a mild interest in sports or real-life character studies. It's sort of the literary equivalent to a summer blockbuster. But there ain't nothing wrong with that.
#6.
Peter Pan by J. M. Barrie
There's a reason that there are dozens of film, stage, television, picture book, comic book, ballet, and just about anything else adaptations of this story. Not to mention all the spinoffs, unofficial sequels, unofficial prequels, and the one official sequel. Peter Pan rocks. It is absolutely off the wall. It is the essence of a boyhood adventure tale. The story is wildly imaginative, the prose is delightful, the tone alternates between dark, innocent, whimsical, mischievous, sentimental, and playful, the characters are unforgettable...this is just an amazing book all around. It's child's play at its most serious, consistent within its own realm but unhindered by adult rationality. There are several moments that are laugh-out-loud funny (such as the Darlings' sitting on the bed with their pocketbook to determine whether or not they can afford to keep their own baby, or Mr. Smee's attempts at fierce piracy which only end up making him look lovable) and some parts of the story that are actually pretty scary as well. While every adaptation I've seen tends to make Neverland a physical place (albeit a magical one that doesn't show up on the map), Barrie's Neverland is more the place where fantasy becomes reality, another realm where every child's imagination becomes real.
This book is pure joy from beginning to end, and it has been entirely too long since I read it last.
5.
Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J. K. Rowling
The seven-book Harry Potter saga is amazing. It's just an incredibly story that is almost perfectly crafted. Its themes are positive and universally true. J. K. Rowling has created some of the most memorable characters in modern fiction and there's a reason so many people all over the English-speaking world just can't let go of this story.
As for myself, I didn't really start getting into the series until this book. I liked bits and pieces of the first two novels, but they really didn't hook me. Now, by the time I'd started reading, I'd already seen this movie and Goblet of Fire, so I knew things were going to pick up and get a lot better. Otherwise I may have dropped the series after the second installment. But Prisoner of Azkaban was the story that got me hooked, and even now that the rest of the series is over it remains my favorite. Because I find the whole of the series to be far greater than the sum of its parts, I turn to this book as the volume in which THE story really starts to pick up. The first two books are pretty similar. Harry goes to school, Harry and his friends have adventures, something really creepy involving Harry's ultimate enemy happens, Harry goes home for the summer. Azkaban is the story where you start getting some answers about Harry's mysterious past and Voldemort starts to show his hand. From this point on, every story thrusts these two closer toward their penultimate confrontation and the battle between the armies of good and evil.
I don't just love this book because it's the one that really gets the story moving, however. The novel, even as a stand-alone, is fantastic! Almost everything that happens in this book is cool. The dementors are cool. The patronuses are cool. The werewolf element is cool. The Marauder's Map is cool. The plot twists are amazing! The Whomping Willow! Azkaban! Sirius! Lupin! Even the hippogriff is cool! I'm not kidding, virtually everything that is in this book is fun, engaging, intriguing, exciting, or otherwise dynamic. I enjoyed all of the books after this one quite a bit, but I will always love Prisoner of Azkaban above all the others.
#4.
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne
I promise, I do read grown-up books, too. I first read Winnie-the-Pooh last year when I played the silly old bear in our children's theatre production of, well, Winnie-the-Pooh. I'd never really gotten into the Pooh cartoons as a kid, though I could recall some of them pretty well and I wasn't altogether unfamiliar with the characters. (Does anybody else remember the live-action Winnie-the-Pooh show on Disney Channel?) When I read the book, which includes both Pooh collections, I was blown away.
The first thing that surprised me was how funny the book was. I expected a fairly gentle and bland little series of friendship tales, because that was what I remembered of Pooh. Instead, I remember several times I had to chase down my wife to read aloud to her the passage I'd just read. Fortunately, it was even funnier when read aloud. The second characteristic I came to associate with Pooh was "feel-good." This book really just leaves you feeling good. Like Peter Pan, it harkens back to a more innocent time in all our lives, but whereas Pan is a love song to high adventure, Pooh is a surprisingly profound examination of the simple and good things in our lives. Home, friendship, music and poetry, exercise, pleasant weather, adventures, accomplishment. Just about the only times Pooh is ever discontent is when he notices one of his friends is upset. And, good-natured guy that he is, Pooh always refuses to rest until he has made things right for whoever happens to be feeling down. Even if it's Eeyore, who seems to rather prefer being gloomy.
Man, how much better would life be if we were all a little more like Winnie-the-Pooh?
In addition to Pooh, the supporting cast is memorable and lovable, but it's the story's central character that really holds this world together and gives it such a lasting place in my heart.
#3.
The Stand: Complete And Uncut by Stephen King
Here's yet another book I didn't expect to enjoy nearly as much as I did. This extended version of one of Stephen King's best-known works clocks in at around 1200 pages. I remembered seeing commercials for the TV miniseries when it came out back when I was a kid, and all I took from those commercials was that a Superflu wiped out most of the people on earth, so I assumed that this was a book about an unstoppable disease killing everybody.
Au contraire!
What I got instead was a massive tale of good versus evil, a story using ordinary men and women as champions fighting literally on the sides of God and Satan. Turns out, the Superflu was just the setup for the story. The Stand is really about the survivors of Captain Tripps disease as they are almost mystically drawn to two settlements--one in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado and the other in Sin City itself, Las Vegas. The settlement in Colorado is headed up by an old black woman named Abigail, a devout Christian who speaks often of prayer and visions. The Las Vegas community is headed up by a character who goes by the name of Flagg. He usually appears to be pretty human, but throughout the book there are instances that show that there's something supernatural, even demonic, about this character.
What makes this book scary, however, is not its demonic antagonist. The real terror comes from the realistic portrayal of evil in the hearts of the human characters. There's actually quite a bit of sound theology in the pages of this book. (In fact, I think King has a better understanding of some of these biblical principles than some Christian writers I've read) Each of Flagg's people are tempted by their own desires into sin, and that's how they eventually find their way into his camp. This story has some realistic depictions of hideously evil acts--and in most cases you can understand why the person committing the evil made the choices they did. King's villains are never excused for their choices, but it is made very clear that they are regular men and women, and that the possibility for that sort of evil exists in each of us. Of course, there are equally heroic acts, and that's why I think this book is so great. It's a story that's biblical in proportion of both God and Satan using flawed people to impact the world around them. It's scary. It's heartwarming. It's surprising. And it's amazing.
Granted, I did feel like there was some unnecessary moralizing about the evils of civilization at times, and there were two particular sections that I thought dragged on a bit longer than necessary, and there was one small side-story that I wish hadn't existed at all. Nevertheless, there are few books that impacted me as powerfully at Stephen King's The Stand: Complete and Uncut Edition.
#2.
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
No, this book isn't on the list solely because I love the musical. It's here because this is one of the most beautiful stories of redemption I have ever read. Admittedly, it has been a long time since I've read this book, and a thorough re-read is my tentative November reading project (though it may get pushed back to January, depending on NaNoWriMo), but I remember the story and the characters fairly vividly. I can't imagine creating a work of this much depth and breadth with so many powerful moments. This story touches every corner of your soul. There are almost no pitiless characters. I feel for each in his or her struggle. For a story called The Miserable, I'm amazed at how much hope shines through the pages. Of course, I'm usually looking for light in dark places, and that's probably why I found this book so appealing. Yes, Victor Hugo is wordy. Yes, he gets majorly sidetracked at times. Yes, he likes to talk about Napolean in stories that have nothing to do with Napolean. But I can let it slide, because this book is just beautiful. I can't choose a favorite character, I can't pick a favorite storyline, I can't point to a handful of favorite scenes. It was the first book I ever read that I felt completely satisfied upon finishing it. And whether it comes in November or January, I have been anticipating this re-read for several years now. Welcome back, old friend.
#1:
Gilead by Marilynne Robinson
I can't say enough good things about this book. I first read it five years ago while Kim was pregnant with Robbie. I read it again this past January, a father of three and a half years. Each reading gave me a different story. The book is a journal written by an aging preacher in the 1950s to his five-year-old son. Because the preacher married his second wife so late in life, he will likely be dead before his boy's sixth birthday, so he's writing these memoirs as a way of giving his son something to know him by. Most of the book is written in short, loosely-related passages. This book is heartbreaking. This book is hysterical. It's melancholy and wistful, it's hopeful and jubilant. I was surprised it so recently won a Pulitzer, because it's ultimately an uplifting tale that uses a lot of Christian scripture. There are so many great passages in this book, you could flip it open to just about anywhere and read for a few pages and you'd probably find something you want to circle, copy down, or memorize. I recently let my friend Sherri borrow this book, and since she brought it back a couple of weeks ago I've come close to picking it up for another read at least three times. I will probably never get enough of Gilead, and it's one of very, very few books that I would recommend to absolutely anybody.
So there you have it. My top seven books. A heartwarming father-son memoir; a wordy, epic work of historical fiction; a dark fantasy set in a post-apocalyptic reality; a lovable bear with very little brain, a riveting adventure for young adults; the original riveting adventure for children; and a nonfiction account of my favorite hockey team. If you're wondering what some of the titles that just missed out are, I thought long and hard about including The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan, Identity Crisis by Brad Meltzer, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, The Silver Chair, The Magician's Nephew, The Silver Chair, and That Hideous Strength by C. S. Lewis, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Don Miller, 1984 by George Orwell, Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, and The Game by Ken Dryden.
Regardless of my recent history, literature is now a very big part of who I am and what I'm passionate about, so it's after great reflection and many revisions that I'm finally confident enough in my selections to present my Top 7 Favorite Books (not including the Bible). Most of these books I've already read more than once. The ones that I haven't, I've severely wanted to and likely will in within the year. These are all books I either own or plan to own. They are books I can see myself reading several times over the course of my life. They are books I am always ready to discuss. Usually, the act of thinking about one of these books is enough to make me want to reread it. Because there's no concrete, scientific evaluation process for this sort of thing, I can't guarantee that these seven are may seven favorites every single day or that they don't shuffle around in order from time to time. I'm pretty sure, however, that this is at least a pretty dang close approximation of my Top 7 Favorite Books.
#7:
Blood Feud: Detroit Red Wings v. Colorado Avalanche. The Inside Story of Pro Sports' Nastiest and Best Rivalry of its Era by Adrian Dater
I know, I know. I'm starting this list off with some high literature, aren't I? But this is one of the most fun books that I've ever read. Yes, I have the bias that I am an Avalanche fan and that I still remember many of the more memorable clashes between the Avs and Wings in the late 1990s/early 2000s, but the fact is this book is written well enough that you can't help get into the story. While the Avs and Wings never got the publicity of the Yankees/Red Sox or the Lakers/Celtics, the aggressive, emotional nature of hockey escalated this rivalry into something so consistently nasty that I've never seen anything like it in any sport in the twenty years that I've been a sports fan. Most sports rivalries are perpetuated primarily by the fans. Somehow, the epic clash of the Wings and Avs was a personal affair for everybody involved. Players, coaches, reporters, beat writers, trainers. It was flat-out insane. What made it even better, however, is that these were two of the best teams in the league from 1996 through 2002, so in addition to the passionate insanity of rivalry, fans were also treated to some of the best hockey games any of us will ever see.
The reason this book works so well is not that the rivalry itself was so great, it's that Dater does a fantastic job of taking eight years of incidents and people and weaving them into a cohesive story that starts with Claude Lemieux ramming Kris Draper from behind in a playoff game in 1996 and ends with the Wings clobbering the hobbling Avs in game seven of the conference final in 2002. He brings out the stories of the men who made this madhouse so dang entertaining. He evenly portrays every perspective into each anarchic playoff series, every behind-the-scenes shouting match, every ejected coach and goalie fight, and the reader really gets a sense of what a roller coaster ride this rivalry was. It was as if the players knew at the time that what they were involved in was something that doesn't come along every day, and Dater's thrilling account makes a fairly exclusive rivalry in a niche sport into a story about people, pride, and passion. If you can manage the hockey player's vernacular, I'd recommend this to anybody with a mild interest in sports or real-life character studies. It's sort of the literary equivalent to a summer blockbuster. But there ain't nothing wrong with that.
#6.
There's a reason that there are dozens of film, stage, television, picture book, comic book, ballet, and just about anything else adaptations of this story. Not to mention all the spinoffs, unofficial sequels, unofficial prequels, and the one official sequel. Peter Pan rocks. It is absolutely off the wall. It is the essence of a boyhood adventure tale. The story is wildly imaginative, the prose is delightful, the tone alternates between dark, innocent, whimsical, mischievous, sentimental, and playful, the characters are unforgettable...this is just an amazing book all around. It's child's play at its most serious, consistent within its own realm but unhindered by adult rationality. There are several moments that are laugh-out-loud funny (such as the Darlings' sitting on the bed with their pocketbook to determine whether or not they can afford to keep their own baby, or Mr. Smee's attempts at fierce piracy which only end up making him look lovable) and some parts of the story that are actually pretty scary as well. While every adaptation I've seen tends to make Neverland a physical place (albeit a magical one that doesn't show up on the map), Barrie's Neverland is more the place where fantasy becomes reality, another realm where every child's imagination becomes real.
This book is pure joy from beginning to end, and it has been entirely too long since I read it last.
5.
The seven-book Harry Potter saga is amazing. It's just an incredibly story that is almost perfectly crafted. Its themes are positive and universally true. J. K. Rowling has created some of the most memorable characters in modern fiction and there's a reason so many people all over the English-speaking world just can't let go of this story.
As for myself, I didn't really start getting into the series until this book. I liked bits and pieces of the first two novels, but they really didn't hook me. Now, by the time I'd started reading, I'd already seen this movie and Goblet of Fire, so I knew things were going to pick up and get a lot better. Otherwise I may have dropped the series after the second installment. But Prisoner of Azkaban was the story that got me hooked, and even now that the rest of the series is over it remains my favorite. Because I find the whole of the series to be far greater than the sum of its parts, I turn to this book as the volume in which THE story really starts to pick up. The first two books are pretty similar. Harry goes to school, Harry and his friends have adventures, something really creepy involving Harry's ultimate enemy happens, Harry goes home for the summer. Azkaban is the story where you start getting some answers about Harry's mysterious past and Voldemort starts to show his hand. From this point on, every story thrusts these two closer toward their penultimate confrontation and the battle between the armies of good and evil.
I don't just love this book because it's the one that really gets the story moving, however. The novel, even as a stand-alone, is fantastic! Almost everything that happens in this book is cool. The dementors are cool. The patronuses are cool. The werewolf element is cool. The Marauder's Map is cool. The plot twists are amazing! The Whomping Willow! Azkaban! Sirius! Lupin! Even the hippogriff is cool! I'm not kidding, virtually everything that is in this book is fun, engaging, intriguing, exciting, or otherwise dynamic. I enjoyed all of the books after this one quite a bit, but I will always love Prisoner of Azkaban above all the others.
#4.
The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh by A. A. Milne
I promise, I do read grown-up books, too. I first read Winnie-the-Pooh last year when I played the silly old bear in our children's theatre production of, well, Winnie-the-Pooh. I'd never really gotten into the Pooh cartoons as a kid, though I could recall some of them pretty well and I wasn't altogether unfamiliar with the characters. (Does anybody else remember the live-action Winnie-the-Pooh show on Disney Channel?) When I read the book, which includes both Pooh collections, I was blown away.
The first thing that surprised me was how funny the book was. I expected a fairly gentle and bland little series of friendship tales, because that was what I remembered of Pooh. Instead, I remember several times I had to chase down my wife to read aloud to her the passage I'd just read. Fortunately, it was even funnier when read aloud. The second characteristic I came to associate with Pooh was "feel-good." This book really just leaves you feeling good. Like Peter Pan, it harkens back to a more innocent time in all our lives, but whereas Pan is a love song to high adventure, Pooh is a surprisingly profound examination of the simple and good things in our lives. Home, friendship, music and poetry, exercise, pleasant weather, adventures, accomplishment. Just about the only times Pooh is ever discontent is when he notices one of his friends is upset. And, good-natured guy that he is, Pooh always refuses to rest until he has made things right for whoever happens to be feeling down. Even if it's Eeyore, who seems to rather prefer being gloomy.
Man, how much better would life be if we were all a little more like Winnie-the-Pooh?
In addition to Pooh, the supporting cast is memorable and lovable, but it's the story's central character that really holds this world together and gives it such a lasting place in my heart.
#3.
Here's yet another book I didn't expect to enjoy nearly as much as I did. This extended version of one of Stephen King's best-known works clocks in at around 1200 pages. I remembered seeing commercials for the TV miniseries when it came out back when I was a kid, and all I took from those commercials was that a Superflu wiped out most of the people on earth, so I assumed that this was a book about an unstoppable disease killing everybody.
Au contraire!
What I got instead was a massive tale of good versus evil, a story using ordinary men and women as champions fighting literally on the sides of God and Satan. Turns out, the Superflu was just the setup for the story. The Stand is really about the survivors of Captain Tripps disease as they are almost mystically drawn to two settlements--one in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado and the other in Sin City itself, Las Vegas. The settlement in Colorado is headed up by an old black woman named Abigail, a devout Christian who speaks often of prayer and visions. The Las Vegas community is headed up by a character who goes by the name of Flagg. He usually appears to be pretty human, but throughout the book there are instances that show that there's something supernatural, even demonic, about this character.
What makes this book scary, however, is not its demonic antagonist. The real terror comes from the realistic portrayal of evil in the hearts of the human characters. There's actually quite a bit of sound theology in the pages of this book. (In fact, I think King has a better understanding of some of these biblical principles than some Christian writers I've read) Each of Flagg's people are tempted by their own desires into sin, and that's how they eventually find their way into his camp. This story has some realistic depictions of hideously evil acts--and in most cases you can understand why the person committing the evil made the choices they did. King's villains are never excused for their choices, but it is made very clear that they are regular men and women, and that the possibility for that sort of evil exists in each of us. Of course, there are equally heroic acts, and that's why I think this book is so great. It's a story that's biblical in proportion of both God and Satan using flawed people to impact the world around them. It's scary. It's heartwarming. It's surprising. And it's amazing.
Granted, I did feel like there was some unnecessary moralizing about the evils of civilization at times, and there were two particular sections that I thought dragged on a bit longer than necessary, and there was one small side-story that I wish hadn't existed at all. Nevertheless, there are few books that impacted me as powerfully at Stephen King's The Stand: Complete and Uncut Edition.
#2.
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
No, this book isn't on the list solely because I love the musical. It's here because this is one of the most beautiful stories of redemption I have ever read. Admittedly, it has been a long time since I've read this book, and a thorough re-read is my tentative November reading project (though it may get pushed back to January, depending on NaNoWriMo), but I remember the story and the characters fairly vividly. I can't imagine creating a work of this much depth and breadth with so many powerful moments. This story touches every corner of your soul. There are almost no pitiless characters. I feel for each in his or her struggle. For a story called The Miserable, I'm amazed at how much hope shines through the pages. Of course, I'm usually looking for light in dark places, and that's probably why I found this book so appealing. Yes, Victor Hugo is wordy. Yes, he gets majorly sidetracked at times. Yes, he likes to talk about Napolean in stories that have nothing to do with Napolean. But I can let it slide, because this book is just beautiful. I can't choose a favorite character, I can't pick a favorite storyline, I can't point to a handful of favorite scenes. It was the first book I ever read that I felt completely satisfied upon finishing it. And whether it comes in November or January, I have been anticipating this re-read for several years now. Welcome back, old friend.
#1:
I can't say enough good things about this book. I first read it five years ago while Kim was pregnant with Robbie. I read it again this past January, a father of three and a half years. Each reading gave me a different story. The book is a journal written by an aging preacher in the 1950s to his five-year-old son. Because the preacher married his second wife so late in life, he will likely be dead before his boy's sixth birthday, so he's writing these memoirs as a way of giving his son something to know him by. Most of the book is written in short, loosely-related passages. This book is heartbreaking. This book is hysterical. It's melancholy and wistful, it's hopeful and jubilant. I was surprised it so recently won a Pulitzer, because it's ultimately an uplifting tale that uses a lot of Christian scripture. There are so many great passages in this book, you could flip it open to just about anywhere and read for a few pages and you'd probably find something you want to circle, copy down, or memorize. I recently let my friend Sherri borrow this book, and since she brought it back a couple of weeks ago I've come close to picking it up for another read at least three times. I will probably never get enough of Gilead, and it's one of very, very few books that I would recommend to absolutely anybody.
So there you have it. My top seven books. A heartwarming father-son memoir; a wordy, epic work of historical fiction; a dark fantasy set in a post-apocalyptic reality; a lovable bear with very little brain, a riveting adventure for young adults; the original riveting adventure for children; and a nonfiction account of my favorite hockey team. If you're wondering what some of the titles that just missed out are, I thought long and hard about including The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan, Identity Crisis by Brad Meltzer, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, The Long Halloween by Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, The Silver Chair, The Magician's Nephew, The Silver Chair, and That Hideous Strength by C. S. Lewis, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Don Miller, 1984 by George Orwell, Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, and The Game by Ken Dryden.
Monday, September 12, 2011
v2, d414: WOF2, #3: Guest Blogger
All right, it's been an awful long time since I've tried a guest blog, so I'm going to give a quick run-down on the concept once again:
My first time through this blog, I would occasionally let other people blog for a day in my place. Those were my guest bloggers. However, very few of my guests felt comfortable blogging for some reason, so this time through I made GB more of a writing exercise/gimmick. Instead of having other real people blog for me, I am inviting a character from one of my plays, books, or story ideas to share their thoughts with the world. In other words, it's a chance for me to explore these characters by writing in their voice about things that are important to them. Or, as is often the case with blogging, things that aren't terribly important but happen to be passing through their minds anyway. (I have yet to decide if this is a cool idea or a lame idea)
As such, please keep in mind that any opinions expressed by a Guest Blogger do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the FOMW writing or editorial staff. Also, if you're planning to point out the fallacy of how some of these people have access to a computer or the Internet in their time or place in history, well, calm down and quit thinking so hard.
Today's guest blogger is a young lady named Brindolynn Englehart. Brindolynn lives in a small village on the edge of the Tirrabar Valley. She lives with her father, the town's bladesmith, and her twelve-year-old cousin Gab. And I can't think of anything more to say by way of introduction, so I'll just turn it over to Brin now.
********************
Here's a phrase I've never really understood: "her knight in shining armor."
I understand the phrase in the sense that I know what a knight in shining armor is, despite the fact that no such man has passed through our village in my lifetime. It's an image that has survived adventure stories and similar tales that have existed long before there were any villages in Tirrabar. I also understand that the phrase is often used in a romantic context, when a young lady (around my age, perhaps a bit older) finds her own personal hero, the man who will ride into her life and save her from...something or other (it's never quite clear in most instances) before taking her off into a lifetime of wedded bliss.
On second thought, perhaps it's not accurate to say I've never understood the phrase. Perhaps I ought rather to say I'm not sure why the knight with his lovely, polished, unscathed armor has ever been an attractive image to young women through the ages. Please don't misunderstand me. I've a friend at school who often tries to convince me that I ought to remain unmarried my entire adult life, that I need no man to make my life complete, that I would be happier without one at any rate. I know there are girls who share this opinion. Believe me, I am not one of these girls. In fact, my friend's father is not the greatest of men, and I suspect that's where her bias against all things romantic stems from. My father is a wonderful man, and I know I shall be lucky to marry anyone who is half the man that he is. (Sorry, gentlemen, but my father has set the standard fairly high)
I also have no resistance to the "knight" idea. Who doesn't want to be married to a hero? Besides, in a town that is in a constant state of conflict with our nearest neighbors and is located next to a forest filled with Dark Creatures, it's a bit impractical to ally yourself with a coward for life. Poets use such lovely language, but I'd find their company to be woefully inadequate should a goblin wander its way into the village. (Not that that happens often, but still) I like to think that I can take care of myself--one of the perks of being the bladesmith's daughter is that most of the time I have spent with my father through the years has involved weaponry to some degree--but I admit it's also nice to imagine a match in which I don't have to. When I love, I want to feel safe with the man, as I'm fairly certain all women do.
My chief complaint with the phrase in question is the condition of the man's armor. Why is it shining? I understand that the picture may be more pleasing to the eye if the hero returns gleaming in the sunlight. Ever since I've been a little girl, however, I've always been bothered by the idea of a knight in pristine condition. Hasn't the man found anything better to do with his time than polish his armor?
There is very little metal armor in Desderan. We have no true knights and we have no visitors. Even the merchants have stopped coming through for some reason. Most likely alarmed by the reputation of the Dark Forest, I suppose. And admittedly, "Dark Forest" doesn't sound all that inviting, does it? Our village is protected by the Defense Corps, and the men in the corps wear heavy leather clothing for protection. While actual violent conflict, either with Ivallian troublemakers or creatures of the forest, is rare, these men are constantly training to become more able defenders and protectors for when they are needed. I've seen them return from training sessions, I've watched them spar in swordplay tournaments put on for the amusement of the village. The mere practice of battle often leaves these men--many of them boys my age--scuffed and bruised, and their leather armor takes quite the beating. They do their best to mend and clean it, of course, but one look at a Corpsman and you can tell immediately that he has had at least a taste of battle.
What, then, is to be said of our gallant knight in neat, clean, new outerwear. Why isn't he at least a little bit dirty? Has he found no reason to use the sword at his side? Has he found no monsters to fight? No homeland to defend? I know enough of the world to know that fighting men are always in need virtually everywhere. Has he simply found no cause that he has deemed worthy of his attention? How then do I know that he will fight for my cause should the situation arise? Does the knight wish me to be impressed with the state of his protective wear? How do I know he will be able to handle anything that threatens me if he has never found an opportunity to tangle with a dragon capable of denting his ornamented breastplate?
When my "knight" arrives, I expect to find him a bit battered and bruised. I expect his armor to be tarnished and his weapon well-used. I will hear of the victories he has won, and he will not be afraid to tell of the times he has been the vanquished, for they will have all served to make him a stronger warrior. I will know that he will fight for me--no, rather he will fight with me--not because he says he will but because his actions have shown that he will. I will not fall for any man because he looks impressive but because he is impressive.
After all, if I must be cast as the princess in this metaphor, I see no reason why I should expect anything less. And if ever I find do myself locked in a castle and guarded by a beast like the heroines in the stories of our youth, and if a knight should come riding to my rescue in his gleaming, flawless armor, I would probably tell him to turn around and send someone else. I'll wait around a bit longer for my own knight. The one who comes with dents, chips, and bruises that I can be proud of.
As such, please keep in mind that any opinions expressed by a Guest Blogger do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the FOMW writing or editorial staff. Also, if you're planning to point out the fallacy of how some of these people have access to a computer or the Internet in their time or place in history, well, calm down and quit thinking so hard.
Today's guest blogger is a young lady named Brindolynn Englehart. Brindolynn lives in a small village on the edge of the Tirrabar Valley. She lives with her father, the town's bladesmith, and her twelve-year-old cousin Gab. And I can't think of anything more to say by way of introduction, so I'll just turn it over to Brin now.
********************
Here's a phrase I've never really understood: "her knight in shining armor."
I understand the phrase in the sense that I know what a knight in shining armor is, despite the fact that no such man has passed through our village in my lifetime. It's an image that has survived adventure stories and similar tales that have existed long before there were any villages in Tirrabar. I also understand that the phrase is often used in a romantic context, when a young lady (around my age, perhaps a bit older) finds her own personal hero, the man who will ride into her life and save her from...something or other (it's never quite clear in most instances) before taking her off into a lifetime of wedded bliss.
On second thought, perhaps it's not accurate to say I've never understood the phrase. Perhaps I ought rather to say I'm not sure why the knight with his lovely, polished, unscathed armor has ever been an attractive image to young women through the ages. Please don't misunderstand me. I've a friend at school who often tries to convince me that I ought to remain unmarried my entire adult life, that I need no man to make my life complete, that I would be happier without one at any rate. I know there are girls who share this opinion. Believe me, I am not one of these girls. In fact, my friend's father is not the greatest of men, and I suspect that's where her bias against all things romantic stems from. My father is a wonderful man, and I know I shall be lucky to marry anyone who is half the man that he is. (Sorry, gentlemen, but my father has set the standard fairly high)
I also have no resistance to the "knight" idea. Who doesn't want to be married to a hero? Besides, in a town that is in a constant state of conflict with our nearest neighbors and is located next to a forest filled with Dark Creatures, it's a bit impractical to ally yourself with a coward for life. Poets use such lovely language, but I'd find their company to be woefully inadequate should a goblin wander its way into the village. (Not that that happens often, but still) I like to think that I can take care of myself--one of the perks of being the bladesmith's daughter is that most of the time I have spent with my father through the years has involved weaponry to some degree--but I admit it's also nice to imagine a match in which I don't have to. When I love, I want to feel safe with the man, as I'm fairly certain all women do.
My chief complaint with the phrase in question is the condition of the man's armor. Why is it shining? I understand that the picture may be more pleasing to the eye if the hero returns gleaming in the sunlight. Ever since I've been a little girl, however, I've always been bothered by the idea of a knight in pristine condition. Hasn't the man found anything better to do with his time than polish his armor?
There is very little metal armor in Desderan. We have no true knights and we have no visitors. Even the merchants have stopped coming through for some reason. Most likely alarmed by the reputation of the Dark Forest, I suppose. And admittedly, "Dark Forest" doesn't sound all that inviting, does it? Our village is protected by the Defense Corps, and the men in the corps wear heavy leather clothing for protection. While actual violent conflict, either with Ivallian troublemakers or creatures of the forest, is rare, these men are constantly training to become more able defenders and protectors for when they are needed. I've seen them return from training sessions, I've watched them spar in swordplay tournaments put on for the amusement of the village. The mere practice of battle often leaves these men--many of them boys my age--scuffed and bruised, and their leather armor takes quite the beating. They do their best to mend and clean it, of course, but one look at a Corpsman and you can tell immediately that he has had at least a taste of battle.
What, then, is to be said of our gallant knight in neat, clean, new outerwear. Why isn't he at least a little bit dirty? Has he found no reason to use the sword at his side? Has he found no monsters to fight? No homeland to defend? I know enough of the world to know that fighting men are always in need virtually everywhere. Has he simply found no cause that he has deemed worthy of his attention? How then do I know that he will fight for my cause should the situation arise? Does the knight wish me to be impressed with the state of his protective wear? How do I know he will be able to handle anything that threatens me if he has never found an opportunity to tangle with a dragon capable of denting his ornamented breastplate?
When my "knight" arrives, I expect to find him a bit battered and bruised. I expect his armor to be tarnished and his weapon well-used. I will hear of the victories he has won, and he will not be afraid to tell of the times he has been the vanquished, for they will have all served to make him a stronger warrior. I will know that he will fight for me--no, rather he will fight with me--not because he says he will but because his actions have shown that he will. I will not fall for any man because he looks impressive but because he is impressive.
After all, if I must be cast as the princess in this metaphor, I see no reason why I should expect anything less. And if ever I find do myself locked in a castle and guarded by a beast like the heroines in the stories of our youth, and if a knight should come riding to my rescue in his gleaming, flawless armor, I would probably tell him to turn around and send someone else. I'll wait around a bit longer for my own knight. The one who comes with dents, chips, and bruises that I can be proud of.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
v2, d413: WO2, #2: Random Nintendo Game of the Month!
Remember the Domino's Noid? That mean claymation guy in the red spandex with some sort of bunny-type ears in Domino's Pizza commercials in the 1980's? He basically spent every commercial just trying to wreck pizzas. He didn't steal them, didn't eat them, he just wanted to destroy them. Jerk. Did you ever watch those commercials and think, "Man, I really want to play through a side-scrolling adventure Nintendo game with that guy as my protagonist!"
Yeah, probably not. But since several different companies were going through these phases where they made Nintendo games based on their mascots in order to sell more products (I'm looking at you, 7-Up Spot), the Noid somehow became an action hero anyway in 1990's Yo! Noid.
The story of this game is as follows (this taken from the game manual):
"WHAT NOIVE!
Somebody's wrecking New York City! Or maybe it's a whole gang!
Wherever you go, hooligans jump out and knock you down. Can you imagine
the noive!
For instance, try strolling on the wharf, and get flapped by a fish.
Or go skateboarding Central Park -- you'll get shredded by dive bombers.
And with loonies everywhere, what a time for a brownout in the Bronx!
This is what the NOID is up against, and more! In fact, it looks
like his duplicate Mr. Green is causing all the antics. That's double
trouble!
But the NOID's got plenty of ammo -- supernatural powers, incredible
inventions, and a whiz-bang yo-yo. He just needs a pizza every now and
then to keep him going!"
So, what exactly is going on in this game? Basically, the Evil Noid is trying to make your life difficult by sending bizarre henchmen after you. WHAT NOIVE! Also, according to the story screen, the mayor knows that the only one who can save the city from the carnage is none other than the Noid. Okay. So you take up your trusty (stringless) yo-yo and fight your way through New York to finish this once and for all. (I never realized the Noid had a green arch-nemesis from the commercials. In fact, since the Noid was always a villain in the commercials, wouldn't that make Mr. Green a hero?)
Level one of this game in on the wharf, and the tide is coming in and going out the whole time. The water animation makes the whole screen look really busy and it's hard to focus on...whatever it is you're doing. Unfortunately, this is one of those "one hit and you DIE!" games as well as one of those "you die and you have to START ALL OVER" games. Which is fine, because the levels aren't really that long, but it's still obnoxious. You walk along, avoiding the rising tide and knocking seagulls and guys with harpoons to their deaths with your whiz-bang yo-yo. It's not really a hard level, but it's rare for a rising-water-level to kick off your game. Usually you get a pretty standard 2-D left-to-right no-tricks level to let your players get used to the physics without any gimmicks. The only time I got really frustrated with a death was when I stepped onto a platform that was 1/4 covered in receding water and immediately died. That's right, I drowned by standing on a plank that was only very slightly submerged.
Come to think of it, the whole water-rising level idea rarely makes sense. See, in SMB3, if you got caught in rising water it just meant you had to swim for it. And there were enemies in the water. And sometimes they could swallow you whole. But in a lot of games, your ankles get wet and you're a goner.
I finished the level and got to what appeared to be one of those in-between-stage games where you flip cards or play roulette or whatever to get powerups. In this game, I was facing off against a purple Noid in a pizza-eating contest that ran pretty much like a card-based magic RPG. We each had a deck of cards, each card had a number value that represented a number of pizzas. He would play a card, then I would play a card, and whoever had the higher card got however many points made up the difference. The goal was to fill up your gauge or make your opponent run out of cards. This introduced an element of strategy into the game. Unfortunately, it was NOT FUN. AT ALL. This mini-game was SO not fun, I decided to get up and get a snack and just let the time run out. After about thirty seconds, my opponent said, "You snooze, you lose!" And the game was over.
And there I was, back at the beginning of Stage 1.
That's right, the pizza-eating contest was my boss battle. Would have been nice to know in advance.
Play through stage I again, play through the ABNORMALLY LONG, ABNORMALLY BORING BOSS BATTLE, and finally move on to stage 2.
Dear Yo! Noid,
While it is perfectly acceptable, yea, even expected for a side-scrolling NES game to have IceWorld level where it's impossible for the player to come to a complete stop on surfaces because they're frozen, YOU MAY NOT MAKE LEVEL 2 THE ICEWORLD LEVEL! I mean, that's not fair! Your players are still figuring out how this obnoxious little guy jumps, how he runs, and you COMPLETELY jack with the physics at the first opportunity! No, don't think you can make it up to me by putting hockey-playing polar bears in the level. And furthermore...you may NOT include moving platforms in your Level 2 IceWorld stage! And no, you may NOT make the moving platforms ice-coated as well! Nor may you make the players stand on collapsable blocks while waiting for the moving ice-coated platforms to get close enough to jump on!!!
That's just NOT RIGHT!
So that's Yo! Noid. I don't know what stage three is like. I don't really care. I died a lot in this game. The combination of being a true one-hit wonder, never having a straight level to get the physics worked out, and jumping from frozen moving platform to frozen moving platform pretty much sapped my fighting spirit. Let Mr. Green have New York City. If the Noid was your only hope of salvation in the first place, you're probably not a city worth saving.
I have, of course, gone on to do a bit more reading about this game. Apparently it's just hard throughout. You have pizza-eating boss battles throughout the game. It's just kind of sad all the way around.
Here's a video of the epic conclusion to the game. And the final boss battle is paced MUCH faster than the one I played after level one. (I guess that's the game's way of upping the difficulty?)
Post script:according to Wikipedia, there was a guy whose last name was Noid who apparently thought the entire Noid advertising thing was a personal attack, so he held two Domino's employees hostage and demanded they make him a pizza while he waited for the police to bring $100,000.00 and a getaway car. He was eventually declared insane and thus not sentenced criminally for the incident. Now, this is Wikipedia, so I don't know if it's true or not, but wow.
Yeah, probably not. But since several different companies were going through these phases where they made Nintendo games based on their mascots in order to sell more products (I'm looking at you, 7-Up Spot), the Noid somehow became an action hero anyway in 1990's Yo! Noid.
The story of this game is as follows (this taken from the game manual):
"WHAT NOIVE!
Somebody's wrecking New York City! Or maybe it's a whole gang!
Wherever you go, hooligans jump out and knock you down. Can you imagine
the noive!
For instance, try strolling on the wharf, and get flapped by a fish.
Or go skateboarding Central Park -- you'll get shredded by dive bombers.
And with loonies everywhere, what a time for a brownout in the Bronx!
This is what the NOID is up against, and more! In fact, it looks
like his duplicate Mr. Green is causing all the antics. That's double
trouble!
But the NOID's got plenty of ammo -- supernatural powers, incredible
inventions, and a whiz-bang yo-yo. He just needs a pizza every now and
then to keep him going!"
So, what exactly is going on in this game? Basically, the Evil Noid is trying to make your life difficult by sending bizarre henchmen after you. WHAT NOIVE! Also, according to the story screen, the mayor knows that the only one who can save the city from the carnage is none other than the Noid. Okay. So you take up your trusty (stringless) yo-yo and fight your way through New York to finish this once and for all. (I never realized the Noid had a green arch-nemesis from the commercials. In fact, since the Noid was always a villain in the commercials, wouldn't that make Mr. Green a hero?)
Level one of this game in on the wharf, and the tide is coming in and going out the whole time. The water animation makes the whole screen look really busy and it's hard to focus on...whatever it is you're doing. Unfortunately, this is one of those "one hit and you DIE!" games as well as one of those "you die and you have to START ALL OVER" games. Which is fine, because the levels aren't really that long, but it's still obnoxious. You walk along, avoiding the rising tide and knocking seagulls and guys with harpoons to their deaths with your whiz-bang yo-yo. It's not really a hard level, but it's rare for a rising-water-level to kick off your game. Usually you get a pretty standard 2-D left-to-right no-tricks level to let your players get used to the physics without any gimmicks. The only time I got really frustrated with a death was when I stepped onto a platform that was 1/4 covered in receding water and immediately died. That's right, I drowned by standing on a plank that was only very slightly submerged.
Come to think of it, the whole water-rising level idea rarely makes sense. See, in SMB3, if you got caught in rising water it just meant you had to swim for it. And there were enemies in the water. And sometimes they could swallow you whole. But in a lot of games, your ankles get wet and you're a goner.
I finished the level and got to what appeared to be one of those in-between-stage games where you flip cards or play roulette or whatever to get powerups. In this game, I was facing off against a purple Noid in a pizza-eating contest that ran pretty much like a card-based magic RPG. We each had a deck of cards, each card had a number value that represented a number of pizzas. He would play a card, then I would play a card, and whoever had the higher card got however many points made up the difference. The goal was to fill up your gauge or make your opponent run out of cards. This introduced an element of strategy into the game. Unfortunately, it was NOT FUN. AT ALL. This mini-game was SO not fun, I decided to get up and get a snack and just let the time run out. After about thirty seconds, my opponent said, "You snooze, you lose!" And the game was over.
And there I was, back at the beginning of Stage 1.
That's right, the pizza-eating contest was my boss battle. Would have been nice to know in advance.
Play through stage I again, play through the ABNORMALLY LONG, ABNORMALLY BORING BOSS BATTLE, and finally move on to stage 2.
Dear Yo! Noid,
While it is perfectly acceptable, yea, even expected for a side-scrolling NES game to have IceWorld level where it's impossible for the player to come to a complete stop on surfaces because they're frozen, YOU MAY NOT MAKE LEVEL 2 THE ICEWORLD LEVEL! I mean, that's not fair! Your players are still figuring out how this obnoxious little guy jumps, how he runs, and you COMPLETELY jack with the physics at the first opportunity! No, don't think you can make it up to me by putting hockey-playing polar bears in the level. And furthermore...you may NOT include moving platforms in your Level 2 IceWorld stage! And no, you may NOT make the moving platforms ice-coated as well! Nor may you make the players stand on collapsable blocks while waiting for the moving ice-coated platforms to get close enough to jump on!!!
That's just NOT RIGHT!
So that's Yo! Noid. I don't know what stage three is like. I don't really care. I died a lot in this game. The combination of being a true one-hit wonder, never having a straight level to get the physics worked out, and jumping from frozen moving platform to frozen moving platform pretty much sapped my fighting spirit. Let Mr. Green have New York City. If the Noid was your only hope of salvation in the first place, you're probably not a city worth saving.
I have, of course, gone on to do a bit more reading about this game. Apparently it's just hard throughout. You have pizza-eating boss battles throughout the game. It's just kind of sad all the way around.
Here's a video of the epic conclusion to the game. And the final boss battle is paced MUCH faster than the one I played after level one. (I guess that's the game's way of upping the difficulty?)
Post script:according to Wikipedia, there was a guy whose last name was Noid who apparently thought the entire Noid advertising thing was a personal attack, so he held two Domino's employees hostage and demanded they make him a pizza while he waited for the police to bring $100,000.00 and a getaway car. He was eventually declared insane and thus not sentenced criminally for the incident. Now, this is Wikipedia, so I don't know if it's true or not, but wow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
