My original intention was to hop onto EveryVideoGame.com and play the game I played for my very first RNGOTM back on MySpace, Disney's Pocahontas. However, several other titles in the 'P' category distracted me. And, as few of them really required more than 5-10 minutes of gameplay to get a good feel on what exactly they were, I decided to make do something a little different with this not-really-monthly feature. It's Random Nintendo Game of the Month: Lightning Round!
Game 1: Peepar Time
Okay, what is a Peepar? I'm not sure, and while I wasn't certain that I wanted to know, curiosity got the best of me and I started with Peepar Time.
This is more or less what my internal monologue would have sounded like:
Okay, so what's a Peepar? Obviously some cutesy Japanese thing...
Hm...no help from the title screen. None at all. Well, okay. One player, here we go.
Stage 1.
Okay, let's see, where am I? Am I that hopping thing? What is that thing? Is that a peepar? I guess those squid things are the bad guys. Hey, that peepar thing is moving. I'm not moving it. Go left, bouncy guy! Go left! Or right! Or just stop going forward! Okay, I can't control that guy, so I'm obviously not him. Maybe I'm not on the screen yet? Maybe if I push a button I'll shoot something. Well, it made a sound effect, but I can't see that anything actually happened. Maybe this rom is just busted...Where is that hoppy guy going?
(music changes, words "STAGE CLEAR" flash on the screen.
.....what?
The good news is, you cannot lose stage one of Peepar Time. The bad news is, you're no closer to figuring out what it is you're supposed to be doing by the end of stage one of Peepar Time.
Eventually, I figured out you're supposed to rearrange the tiles that Peepar (I'm assuming that's a peepar) is hopping on to get him to the goal and keep the bad guys away from him. If you've ever played Pipe Dream, it's kind of like that, only with a Peepar. (Still not sure what a Peepar is, but it looked kind of like a cartoony penguin in a hoodie?)
Game 2: Penguin Wars
Penguins have the lamest wars ever.
There's not really much of a war in this game, more an athletic tournament. You see the bracket at the beginning of the game, and you're supposed to win your way to the top. The game actually looks like it would be really fun to play in real life with a slight modification. You (the penguin) and an opponent (in my case, a yellow bear with no hind legs...wait, velveteen bear?) each start off with a number of balls on your side of a table. When the game begins, you start rolling your balls toward your opponent. The goal is to get all of the balls to end up on the other side of the table. Of course, in the video game, if you hit your opponent they become unable to move for a few seconds, so that gives you an edge.
Take away the table and replace "rolling" with "throwing" and I think this would be an awesome sport. Really, though, I got tired of the NES rendition pretty quickly because things just moved so slow.
Also, I lost to the freaking legless bear. And it laughs. While your poor little penguin is crying.
Jerkbear.
Anyway, check out the theme song! It makes this game sound way more exciting than it actually is.
Game 3: Pooyan
Once again, I just wanted to know what the heck a Pooyan was. Apparently it's a mama pig (this is the first game I played that had a story behind it). Some baby pigs were out playing in the field when they were kidnapped by wolves. Because wolves are into kidnapping now instead of eating. Mama pig is out to save her piglets, and this rescue takes the form of shooting arrows from a crudely-rigged elevator-type apparatus while scores of wolves jump from a high ledge, slowing their falls with large balloons. When you've sent all the wolves to a splatty doom, the piglets chase off the lone survivor.
Really, though, you need to play this game if for no other reason than the soundtrack is amazingly bizarre. Especially the title screen.
Game 4: Panic Restaurant
This game was actually really awesome. You're a chef. One day, while walking to your restaurant, you're assaulted by fruit and vegetables from above as the evil chef Ohdove. He says he's taken over your nice clean little restaurant. So the entire game is the chef fighting his way through the restaurant to take it back from Ohdove. Somehow, Ohdove has made all the food evil, so you are bashing your way through a restaurant using a skillet as a weapon while being attacked by gelatinous desserts, sliced apples, feminine carrots, and runaway stuffed turkeys. It's silly, it's surreal, and it's just fun. You can upgrade your weapon (once you get that giant spoon, you are ready to take down some evil produce!), candy gives you health (because that just makes sense, right?), and you collect coins for a chances at a slot machine-style bonus game at the end of each stage. This game also marks the only time I can ever remember being angry enough to want to shout, "Damn you, pizza!"
Seriously. I hated that pizza.
Simple game, silly premise, and ridiculous fun.
