v2, d395: The Musical!

AT RISE: JOSH, HAYDEN, HOWARD, and OTHER CHILDREN are assembled on stage, waiting for rehearsal to begin.  SCOOTER enters, carrying a clipboard and dialing on a cell phone. 

JOSH: Hey, Scooter, shouldn’t we be getting started with rehearsal?

SCOOTER: Sorry guys.  We’ve got to wait until everybody’s here.  We’ll get started as soon as we can.  (She exits, talking into the phone as she goes)  Hello?  Is she almost here?  Well we’re fifteen minutes late!

HAYDEN: Who are we waiting for?  I thought everybody was already here. 

(KAREN  runs onstage, excited)

KAREN: GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYS!!!

BILL: What’s wrong, Karen? 

ASHLEY: Yeah, what is it? 

KAREN: You guys will never guess what I just heard!  You know who Destiny Starlight is, right?

HOWARD: That girl who has, like, six of her own shows on the Disney Channel?

MELLIE: I have all of her CD’s! 

CINDY: I love her movie!

KAREN: Well, it turns out her great aunt’s second cousin’s nephew’s brother-in-law’s foster father’s sister’s favorite cousin goes to our church! 

HAYDEN: Okay.  But what does that have to do with Music Camp rehearsal?

KAREN: I just heard that she’s going to show up to be in our play!

(KIDS react with general excitement.  SCOOTER re-enters)

HAYDEN: Scooter!  Is it true that Destiny Starlight is really going to be in our Music Camp play???

SCOOTER: It was supposed to be a surprise….

(KIDS give up a cheer and high-five one another)

SCOOTER: Of course, if she doesn’t show up soon we’ll just have to start without her…

(DESTINY arrives in style, adorned in any way you’d expect to find a Hollywood teen pop sensation)

DESTINY: Hello, beautiful people!

(KIDS—especially the girls—crowd around her.  A couple of the kids may scream)

A KID: I can’t believe it!  It’s really her!

ANOTHER KID: Destiny Starlight!  It’s Destiny Starlight!

ANOTHER KID: Can I have your autograph? 

ANOTHER KID: Will you be my friend?

ANOTHER KID: Is Destiny your real name?

DESTINY: It’s called a stage name.

HOWARD: What’s a stage name?

DESTINY: You see, when you’re someone like me, the name your parents give you isn’t enough to capture all the magic that makes you a star.  So you have to pick out a new name that fits your personality.

SCOOTER: Hi, Destiny, my name is Scooter, and I’m in charge of our rehearsals…

DESTINY: Right, right.  Sorry I was late, but I just finished recording my voice for my newest movie.  It’s a cartoon, I play a unicorn princess.  Oh trust me, you’ll hear about it. 

SCOOTER: We really need to get started if we can…

DESTINY: I know, I know.  What’s the show about again?

KAREN: Every year, we do a concert of the music we learned in Bible school for our church!

DESTINY: Isn’t that cute?  All right, start the first song.

SCOOTER: But we should probably teach you the dance first…

DESTINY: Listen, Skipper…is it Skipper?

SCOOTER: It’s Scooter…

DESTINY: Right, Skipper, Scooter, whatever.  Let me tell you how it works in showbusiness.  In showbusiness, the star does what the star does, and everybody else just makes it look good.  Okay?  So you go start the little song, okay?  Thanks.  Get in your places, everybody!

SCOOTER: But…but…(she sighs) okay…(She exits to start the song as everyone get into their places.  Music starts. Song: SONROCK KIDS CAMP.  About halfway through the song, DESTINY beings to invent some of her own choreography, which occasionally gets in the way of other students.  At the very end of the song, she bumps into KAREN, sending her toppling)

JOSH: Hey, you just knocked her over!

DESTINY: She shouldn’t have been standing there. 

HAYDEN: You need to apologize to her!

DESTINY: (bewildered) Why?

HAYDEN: Why I oughtta… (she prepares to punch DESTINY, but JOSH and HOWARD hold her back)

KAREN: It’s okay. I’m okay.

SCOOTER: All right, everybody get in place for the next song.  Peter Was a Fisherman. (Kids go to get into places.  HAYDEN and JOSH help KAREN to her feet)

DESTINY: I assume I’m playing the Peter guy in this song?

SCOOTER: Um…no, actually.  You’ll have to be in the chorus.

DESTINY: The chorus?  I don’t do chorus.  I don’t think you read my contract.

SCOOTER: This is Music Camp. We don’t have contracts.  

DESTINY: I only do leads.  If this song is about this Peter guy, then I have to be him.

HAYDEN: Peter is Josh’s part.  He’s practiced it, so he’s going to do it. 

DESTINY: Has Josh ever played a unicorn princess in a major animated movie?  Yeah.  Didn’t think so. 

HAYDEN: But at least he’s a boy.  You know, like Peter.

KAREN: What if we let Destiny be, like, Peter’s wife?  And she can be in the boat with him for the song.

HOWARD: Actually, in the story in the Bible, Peter’s wife was not in the boat with him. 

DESTINY: Yeah, okay.  As long as I get to be in the boat, that should work. 

SCOOTER: But..but…(sighs) okay…Here we go, everyone.  (Song: Peter Was a Fisherman.  JOSH plays PETER and HOWARD or another boy plays Jesus.  Once she realizes Peter’s wife is not a major player in the story, DESTINY again begins to make up her own “part,” taking over the scene by the very end.  By the end of the song, she has pushed JOSH over, much like what happened with KAREN at the end of the first song)

KAREN: Josh, are you okay? 

JOSH: Sure…

HAYDEN: Unicorn princess or no, you don’t have any right to come in here and push our people around…

DESTINY: I just gave the song what I thought it was missing.

HOWARD: What’s that?  Ice hockey?

DESTINY: Strong female characters.  Role models for girls, you know? 

SCOOTER: This isn’t going so well.  We’d better just rehearse the next song.  Everybody, get in  your places for Walking On the Water. 

 ASHLEY: Sweet!  I like this song!

DESTINY: Am I Gloria again?

JOSH: Gloria?  Who’s Gloria? 

DESTINY: Peter’s wife.  I decided she needed a name.  

KAREN: Actually, why don’t you take the solo in this song?

DESTINY: Solo?  Yeah…you’re right, we need to show off my singing skills some more.   (She begins warming up her singing voice with scales while the other kids huddle downstage)

HOWARD: But Karen, that was supposed to be Scooter’s solo. 

KAREN: I know, but if we let Destiny be in the song again, she might really hurt someone. 

SCOOTER: She’s right, Howard.

JOSH: We have got to do something about that girl. 

BILL: She might sing like an angel, but she sure don’t act like an angel!

HAYDEN: Oh, I’ll do something about her all right!

KAREN: Hayden!  Don’t hit her!

HAYDEN: Why not?

HOWARD: You remember what the New Testament says?  About turning the other cheek?

HAYDEN: I don’t want to turn another cheek. I want to punch her in the face! 

DESTINY: All right, I’m ready!  Let’s get this show on the road!

SCOOTER: Just stick together, guys.  We’ll get through this one. 

OTHERS: Right. (They break the huddle and perform the song WHO’S THAT WALKING ON THE WATER, with JOSH again playing PETER and the other boy from the last song playing JESUS again.  Since DESTINY is mostly by herself, the song goes off without incident)

SCOOTER: Great job, everybody.  Everyone sounded really good in that song!  Let’s run through…

DESTINY: I wouldn’t go that far.  I mean, everybody sounded okay, but you guys are pretty lucky I’m here. 

SCOOTER: Um, Destiny?  Do you think you could start talking a little nicer to everybody else? 

DESTINY: I’m not being mean.  I’m just stating a fact.  None of you guys would ever cut it in Hollywood.

SCOOTER: Okay, but we’re not in Hollywood.  And…this play isn’t all about you. 

JOSH: And we don’t care about having a big hit or being big stars.

DESTINY: Wow.  What kind of actors are you guys supposed to be? 

KAREN: That’s just it.  We’re not actors.  Not really. 

ASHLEY: We’re just kids who want to have some fun together and praise God with these songs.   

DESTINY: God? 

HAYDEN: Yeah, you know, God?  The one who gave you all of your talent and fame?  Seems like a guy you ought to be thankful to.  (BILL puts a hand on HAYDEN’S shoulder to calm her down a little bit)

HOWARD: I think you might be so busy making sure that you’re in the middle of the story, Destiny,  that you’re missing the whole point of the story. 

DESTINY: Wait…what?  I’m always in the middle of the story. 

BILL: Maybe that’s the problem. 

SCOOTER: Here, why don’t you sit over here and just watch these next couple of songs. 

DESTINY: Well…all right.  I could use a bit of a break after that last solo, anyway. (She sits off to the side during Keepin My Eyes on Jesus and How Great Is the Love)

DESTINY: You know what?  You guys really aren’t that bad after all.  And I can tell you all actually like each other.  That’s not something you see a lot of in Hollywood. 

JOSH: Well, like you said, we’re not exactly Major Movie material.  Shoot, I’ve never even been asked  to play a Unicorn Princess…

DESTINY: That was kind of a dumb thing for me to say, wasn’t it?  You guys are right, I’m just really used to being the most important person in the room.  I really haven’t been keeping my eyes on Jesus much at all lately. 

HAYDEN: I guess…I guess you’re not the only one.  I guess it hasn’t been very Christ-like of me to keep wanting to punch you in the face. Even if you have been really rude to all of my friends today.  So…I’m sorry about that. 

DESTINY: You’re sorry to me?  Aren’t I supposed to say that I’m sorry to all of you?

HAYDEN: Well, yeah.  But that doesn’t mean I’ve been much better than you have. 

KAREN: Why don’t you do the next one with us, Destiny? 

DESTINY: You want me to?

KAREN: Sure!

HOWARD: As long as you can do it with us.

BILL: And not knock anybody over in the process.

DESTINY: All right.  Thanks. (Song: You Will Be Saved.  After the song, everybody congratulates one another)

JOSH: All right!  We sounded awesome!

DESTINY: You’re right!  We did! 

SCOOTER: That’s just about all the time we have for this rehearsal, everybody.  Since we started late and everything.

DESTINY: That was my fault, too, wasn’t it?  I’m sorry, everybody.  And I’m sorry for bossing you around like that, Scooter.  And getting your name wrong.  Wow, I feel like I’ve been a really bad person today. 

SCOOTER: Thanks for apologizing, Destiny.  But we all have our bad days. 

KAREN: We’ve got another rehearsal tomorrow night.  Think you’ll be able to make it?

DESTINY: Yeah.  And maybe we’ll tone Gloria’s part down.  Just a little bit.  (Others laugh with her) I’m glad you all gave me another chance. 

HAYDEN: Well…I’m glad you’re here. 

DESTINY: Thanks.

SCOOTER:  All right, we’re all getting entirely too mushy.  What do you say we run through our last song and call it a night? 

ALL: SOUNDS GOOD!  (Last song: The Trail of Life) 

End.

v2, d394: Miller Time!

Because it's awesome to go for the obvious joke, especially if it's an out-dated beer commercial pun.

Today was the Players' day at Miller Outdoor Theater.  We put up our production of The Hobbit.  It's always tough taking a show that was directed to play in a small in-the-round space that seats about one hundred fifty people and transferring it to a proscenium amphitheater that could potentially draw crowds of 3,000 or more.  You lose your proximity, you lose your blocking, you lose your lighting effects, and you can lose your mind trying to figure out how to make it all work for the second time without drastically rebuilding everything.  That said, I think most everything ended up working pretty well on Miller's stage.  The loss of lights impacted the show in a big way, because the dark, creepy atmosphere of the piece was largely impacted by the lighting design, but hey.  When the city wants to give you thousands of dollars to play for a larger audience than you're going to see all year in your own theater, you work with what you get. 

It was nice to be working on something theatrical again, even if just for the week, and even if I was just pressing buttons and helping unload.  I've never cared too much about my particular assignment once a production gets rolling (barring external circumstances, of course).  Tomorrow we'll have another show, and then tomorrow night I'll head back to the church to see how the kids did with the musical about kids rehearsing a musical. 

This is so fun, I might just go ahead and write another play sometime. 


And now, in celebration of going for the obvious joke at EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY:

v2, d393: I'm a hit!

(393 factored = 3,  131)

It's been a while since I've been this nervous about a script.  However, when the kids' music camp director at church mentioned that we'd have to order a script from the VBS company for a musical for our kids to perform (this was months ago), naturally I said, "Hey, no worries.  I'll just write something.  That will be free!"

Music camp began yesterday.  Actual scriptwriting started eight days ago at about 12:30 a.m.  Script completion occurred at about 4:00 a.m. that same day. And tonight, I went in to help with "the drama part" of the musical.  One of my kids had begged me at camp, "Mr. Will, please don't make it cheesy!  Most of our music camp scripts are so cheesy!"  To be honest, I didn't remember much from the three-point-five hour midnight writing session, so I had no idea if what I had written was cheesy or funny or even coherent.  I went in tonight to get the kids' reaction to this short piece that their super-cool children's director had written for them to perform for their parents.  Totally honest here: I was scared to hear what these kids would think. 

Now, this isn't necessarily because I doubt my ability to write something that kids will enjoy.  However, I was trying to tie the songs from VBS together into a story, and, um...well, some of the songs are Bible stories, some are about camping, and some are none of the above.  Doesn't necessarily lend itself to much of a through-line.  Instead, I wrote a play about children rehearsing for a musical featuring the songs they had learned in VBS.

See what I did there?

You cannot imagine my relief when virtually all of the kids came up to tell me how great the script was.  Not only do they love it, but they each like their parts.  (Admittedly, there are a lot of one-line roles for the younger kids, but they're pretty much there to sing the songs, be cute, and eat sugary snacks every night)  The one girl who begged me to stray from unnecessary cheese even told me that it was perfect and gave me a high-five.  Whew!

Here's the bestest part: as we were "blocking" each of the scenes, I watched the kids saying the lines on the page and....it actually is funny.  Parts of it are really funny.  I mean, it's a bit hokey and over-the-top, because hey, it's kids' music camp at a church using VBS songs.  You can't have camp without camp.  But for what it is, I think it actually turned out pretty decent.  What I like most about it, I think, is that you can see traces of the kids in the group within the story.  Most of the characters I wrote with specific kids in mind, and I must have done pretty well because the music director cast pretty much all of them in the roles they inspired.  There are also several moments that are distinctly "Me," I think a little moreso than my more professional pieces.  Finally, I worked in some inside jokes between me and a few of the kids.  For example, one girl has been bugging me since winter to write a play for her in which she gets to be a unicorn princess.  Believe it or not, I managed to work it in here.  Sort of.  And she loved it.  In short: my favorite aspect of this script is that it is in every way a play for us.  And while it won't ever be one of my greatest works, I think that's pretty cool. 

I may post the script on here after the show Friday night.  We'll see how it goes over with the grown-ups first ;-)

v2, d392: Betrayal

No, I'm not talking about the Pinter play.

I'm talking about words.  For some reason, words and I are at odds right now.  Any time I sit down to write, the words I can grasp are not the ones I want to use.  I know the ideas I mean to communicate aren't that complicated, but I'll be darned if I can find a syntax adequate to present those ideas to others.  That's a big part of why you're getting such sporadic blogging on here.  It's just not working for me right now.  It's not quite the same thing as Writer's Block, because I've got a ton of stuff  I could be writing, both on this blog and in other places, and I'm even pretty sure how to go about it, but for some reason the actual Doing undoes itself. 

I'd say it's more bewildering than frustrating, honestly. Just know that I am trying.  My beloved vocabulary is just in the midst of a prolonged betrayal of sorts. 

v2, d391:Dad gum it

It's nearly football season. Everyone is reacting as though football's been gone forever, and at LAST it's finally here.  But in reality, we didn't actually miss any football with the lockout.  We just missed a month of free agent signings. Training camp started pretty close to on time.  And teams scrambled like mad to get two months' of personnel work taken care of in two weeks. It was kind of fun to try to keep up with it all.  In fact, maybe they ought to make the off-season two weeks long every year!

And, in spite of myself...I'm excited for football season.  Again. Even after the crapfest that was last year.  And it was, folks. It was terrible. When we were 4-0 last season and I said, "Yeah, but we're lucky we're winning.  If we don't make some major improvements, we'll be a 6-10 team," a lot of folks said I was just being negative. 

A few months later, we were a 6-10 team.  And the losses were so outrageously idiotic that it became almost a joke.  As a fan, I couldn't even enjoy those thrilling rally-from-twenty-points-down-in-the-fourth-quarter games (and yeah, there were more than one) because I already knew we were going to lose.  And not just lose, but lose on a bone-headed, SportsCenter blooper type of play.  Every time. 

Then the owner would come out and say, "Look at all these losses, they sure are close!  I think we ought to stay the course."  Despite the fact that we've been losing bone-headed fourth-quarter losses for the past three seasons.  Despite the fact that we have practically invented ways to lose games we  ought to have won for the past three years.  We're probably headed in the right direction.  We should just stay the course. 

By the end of the year, I just couldn't even care any more.  I know a lot of legitimate die-hard Texans fans felt the same way.  We were tired of the promises, tired of the potential, tired of the lost-it-on-the-last-possession games that kept showing up in the L column.  We were tired of teams losing just because they didn't "show up" on a regular basis. 

We were tired of the Texans.

And like a guy getting out of a bad relationship, I was pretty convinced I wasn't going to let myself get excited again. Not until some major changes happened.  I'd heard all the lingo before, read all the promises and the optimism from players and coaches for the past couple of years about how we were finally turning the corner, and I knew I wasn't going to set myself up for another major disappointment like last season. 

Then training camp started.  And dang me, I can't help but be excited. First Texans preseason game is a week from Monday, and I'm excited to see it.  I want to see the rookies.  I want to see how the defense responds to the new system.  I want to see the guys we're going to cut.  I just want the guys with the cow on the side of their heads to get out there and play football again.  And yeah, we'll probably be mediocre again.  I look at our schedule and I see maybe 8 wins from a team that's talented enough to win 10-12 games.  We're probably the same inconsistent Texans that we've been the last four seasons of Coach K's reign.  Maybe we'll be better.  But history says we probably won't.  But blast it all, I'm willing to give 'em another chance. 

I need help. 


(Incidentally, for the third year in a row I've said that this is the year I'm finally going to get really into college football.  We'll see how that goes)

v2, d390: Camp

See, I should have titled the last blog "Red, and Back."  That pic, by the way, was from the day I got to be my team's flag bearer for no other reason than I was on the red team and happened to be sitting on the aisle when the Rec Director was looking for a flag bearer that day.  Hey, I'll take it. 

I think I actually held up pretty well at camp.  I made it to every 7:00 a.m. sponsors' meeting, spent each day walking everywhere and Star Trekkin' when necessary, and managed to fall asleep by midnight every night.  I tried to set an example for my kids, getting them to dive in and do crazy things or try new things, which means I did venture into the mud pit for tug of war, and I engaged whole-heartedly in the silly dances, and I made sure I was actually doing a quiet time during "cabin quiet time" (as opposed to, say, catching a quick nap or going over the schedule).  It was a long and full five days/four nights, but I really enjoyed myself. 

The worship music was really good.  However, they always projected the words on the screen with animated screensavers behind them.  You all remember that 3-D brick maze screensaver that you couldn't take your eyes off of no matter  where in the room you were and what else was happening?  This was a lot like that.  Also, because this was preteen camp, the camp director's M.O. from the get go was to get the kids really psyched up.  Like, the entire first day was pretty much geared to get the kids screaming for everything.  Good morning.  RAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!  How are you guys doing today? RAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!  Are you ready to have a good day AT CAMP?  RAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!  How many of you ate BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?  RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!  WHO LOVES JESUS???  RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  I'M HOLDING A TOILET BRUSH!  WHO WANTS A RUBBER DUCKY?  RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Et cetera.

And I get that.  Believe me, I do.  You want to get the kids invested early, and sheer enthusiasm for enthusiasm's sake is a good way to do that.  However, if you get to the end of the week and the kids won't pipe down long enough for you to finish your important announcement, well, don't stand on the stage and look down disapprovingly at them.  'Cause you brought that on yourself. 

Also also also, if you're a magician, and you use a magic trick that you can't solve as your visual aide, explaining that it's simply impossible, much like it's not possible for us to justify ourselves to God outside of the blood of Christ, that's actually pretty cool.  If, however, at the very end of your message, you snap your fingers and then complete the impossible trick, you've pretty much ruined your object lesson. 

All in all, though, it was a good camp.  Not great, but good.  I liked everyone on the staff, I enjoyed the speaker and the worship band, and the guy with the monkey puppets was phenomenal.  (Years from now, all that the kids will remember about this trip was the guy with the monkey puppets and 'Nana puddin')  It was also a great learning week for me, too.  The camp staff hosted workshops for the sponsors during some of the activities, and I was able to slip away and catch a couple.  Not only did I come back with some ideas for things I'd like to try at our church, but I've also developed a better understanding for what children's ministry is/can be.  I see a lot of areas where I (and/or our church) is lacking, and I see areas I want to continue to grow in.  (For the record, Star Trekkin' is not one of these areas, as I'm apparently already awesome at that) 

Oh yeah, and two of our kids got saved.  I had the privilege of praying with one of our boys to receive Christ.  Both of the kids who were saved (all eight kids we brought, for that matter) were born and raised in the church.  I can't wait to see the reactions of all the folks back home who have loved, taught, and prayed for these kids their whole lives.  Now, I pray that I'll learn how to better equip our kids to take the next step in their faith. 

v2, d389: Back

If you give a man a flag, that flag's gonna wave.

Sadly, I couldn't get anyone to build a barricade with me to fight off the pawns of the aristocracy.  They were all more interested in going down that sweet water slide in the background. 

Revolutions die so easily these days.  Ah well.

Let others rise to take our place until the earth is FREE!!!

*ahem*

Anyway, camp was good. 

More later.