Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Day Three-Hundred Forty-Six: Got an Opinion?

Growing up in Wellington, I got to read the Wichita Eagle newspaper virtually every day. The Eagle isn't a bad paper; for a city the size of Wichita, it does a decent job of doing what it does. By far, however, the greatest use of column space I've ever seen in any paper is the Eagle's Opinion Line. People get to call in and speak their mind about pretty much anything in 50 words or less. The Eagle's editorial staff does a pretty good job of keeping the replies they post relevant to current events; nevertheless, virtually every single day there is pure comic gold in them thar opinion line comments.

Today's highlights:

"Isn't it interesting to note that the happiest states are the most conservative states and the most unhappy states are the most liberal ones?"
--In response to a recent article about some study that ranked the U.S. states in terms of overall happiness. There were several comments about this.

"I agree that Michelle Obama is always expensively dressed, but to wear a sleeveless dress when there is snow on the ground just doesn't make sense."
--Duly noted.

"If we ever colonize Mars, I would like to volunteer our federal government leaders to be the first people to go live there. On second thought, that's not far enough away."
--You're clever and witty.

"I can't believe all this waste of time in coddling pit-bull owners. Just ban the breed already and get on to more important things!"
--I have no idea what this is in reference to, and I kinda prefer it that way!

"Nowadays, if women want to see if their husbands are cheating, they count their Viagra."
--What is this even supposed to mean??

There's got to be a novel in there somewhere. Or at least a short story.