Tonight, the world's foremost atheist said on national television that heaven is a fairy tale for people who are afraid of death. This, apparently, was shocking and newsworthy.
Anyway, tonight's blog is blatantly ripped off by a San Jose Sharks fanblog that realized the Alex Burrows' name is an anagram for "Walrus Boxer." That's brilliant journalism right there. So, let's see if the Internet Anagram Server can shed any light on what makes this year's Aeros playoff team "tick."
First, sniper Patrick O'Sullivan. He arrived midway through the year after what appears to be his last shot in the NHL came to a disappointing end. Luckily for us, nobody else in the league took the guy when he was sent down through waivers. Rather than sulking, however, Sully tore up the AHL for the rest of the season and is pretty well recognized as one of the most dangerous goal-scorers in the league. When he lets his wrist shot rip, there's not a goalie in the league who honestly believes he'll stop it through anything other than sheer luck. It is no coincidence, then, that Sully's name rearranges to become Salvation Luck Rip.
Sully wasn't the only major mid-year pickup, however. I could not believe the Rampage let Jed Ortmeyer go for nothing. That's the kind of veteran player you want on your team in a developmental league like this. I also couldn't believe our fortune to signed him a mere hours later. He's been a major boost to every aspect of our team, Mr. A Little Bit Of Everything, but his biggest impact may have been his veteran locker room presence. How fitting, then, to flip the letters in Orts' name to come up with Erred Met Joy. San Antonio erred (and missed the playoffs, by the way), so we've got joy.
Perhaps no individual player benefited from the additions of Ortmeyer and O'Sullivan more than captain Jon DiSalvatore, a veteran presence who suddenly had someone to share the load and a play-making center who finally, finally, finally had a finisher to feed. Everything seemed to click for the captain, who has led this team so far to a two-nothing lead in the conference finals yet still finds time to pass along this helpful health tip to America's youth: "Salad Over Joint." Always a wise choice, Jon. Always.
Robbie Earl took his game to a whole new level this season. While opponents are working to shut down the big guns on the top line, Earl is quietly taking over games, scoring big goals and lots of them. It's a shame we can't play the Providence Bruins, because Earl's anagram name is the Bear Boiler. (Which is far more intimidating than Aloe Ribber)
The highest-scoring Aeros (since I moved to H-town in 2005) is none other than 2-time AHL All-Star defenseman Max Noreau. Or, as he's known throughout the mixed-up world of Anagram Houston, Our Ax, Amen. I guess because he cuts through the defending PK with his rocket of a shot. I'm going with that.
Often lost among the shuffle of goal-scoring forwards is speedy Chad Rau. With so few letters to choose from, I was afraid it might be tough to find an anagram that fit Rau's name. What did we end up with? Uh, A Card. Or, A Car. Duh. Naturally.
More fun with Aeros Anagrams:
Colton Gillies = Cellos Toiling (You don't lead the team in playoff scoring without some toil)
Justin Falk = Flat Is Junk (You know what, it really is!)
Drew Bagnall = Galled Brawn (This is pretty much perfect)
Carson McMillan = Many Clutch Goals From a Fouth-Liner (Okay, not really. It's actually Calm Clan Minors)
Warren Peters = Errant Spewer (And that's gross)
Marco Scandella = Clam Ore Scandal (Nothing like a good scandal to keep the team in the headlines)
Jared Spurgeon = Prejudge Arson (It's hard to get a fair trial when you've committed arson)
Brett Bulmer = Bert Rum Belt (Never leave home without it, mate)
Matt Kassian = Mantas Ask It (I always wondered where curious mantas went for information)
And finally, where would any playoff team be without its goalie? Rookie Matt Hackett has been shaky at some times and brilliant at others, but the bottom line is the man has 10 playoff wins, which is already more than almost every goalie in the AHL will manage. The goalie always has to get an awesome anagram, right? I mean, he's the goalie for crying out loud!!
Matt The Tack.
Um...Jeremy's Iron? Heh heh....
By the way, in case you were curious, Houston Aeros is an anagram for Authors Noose. Incidentally, no, I have not written much since the playoffs started, why do you ask?