About a week ago, I got a request from a friend who teaches one of our satellite theatre classes with a group of underprivileged kindergarten students. They've been starting work on their final performance, and they were doing an adaptation she'd written of Animal Strike at the Zoo. However, this class had come to our children's theater and seen The Hero Squad vs. The Princess Snatchers, and apparently they have been on a massive super hero kick ever since. Even when working on Animal Strike, everything somehow came back to Hero Squad. The request, then, was to see whether or not I could write a five-minute-or-less superhero play that fourteen kindergarten students could perform. I had a week to complete it. If not, she said, that was all right, they could still go with Animal Strike, but the kids would just get such a huge kick out of it if it were their very own superhero play.
Last night, while chatting with Sherri, I suddenly remembered this project, and that it was due today. D'oh! So I get to work in the third period of the Hawks/Flames game, and about ten minutes later, I'm done.
I now submit, for your reading pleasure, the fruits of nearly ten whole minutes worth of labor:
for Small Steps, Spring 2009
(AT RISE: Various super heroes are sleeping around the stage. Enter the three BAD GUYS)
Bad Guy #1: Are you sure this is where all the super heroes live?
Bad Guy #2: Yes, I'm sure. It's the Hall of Heroes. Where else would super heroes live?
Bad Guy #3: Hurry, let put together our evil machine!
(The BAD GUYS put together an evil-looking machine)
Bad Guy #4: It's perfect!
Bad Guy #1: What is it, again?
Bad Guy #2: Don't be silly! It's the Superpower Stealer 3000!
Bad Guy #3: Yes! It will steal all the super heroes' super powers!
Bad Guy #4: Wow! Without their super powers, they can't be super heroes!
Bad Guy #1: Turn it on!
Bad Guy #2: Oh boy!
Bad Guy #3: Let's hide!
Bad Guy #4: Let's watch!
(BAD GUYS hide while AWESOME MAN and BREAKFAST MAN wake up)
Awesome Man: Good morning, Breakfast Man!
Breakfast Man: Every morning is good in the Hall of Heroes, Awesome Man!
Awesome Man: Won't you use your breakfast-making super powers and make me some toast?
Breakfast Man: Sure thing. (he tries to make toast as other heroes start to wake up) Uh-oh!
Awesome Man: What's wrong?
Breakfast Man: My toast power...it's gone!
Hyper Girl: Good morning, everyone! I think I'll go for a quick run around the world before breakfast. (she starts to run, but stops) Hey! What happened to my super speed?
Lightning Lady: What's wrong, Hyper Girl?
Hyper Girl: My power! It's gone!
Lightning Lady: Gone? (she tries to make lightning) My lightning power is gone, too!
Question Man: Awesome Man, what's going on here?
Awesome Man: Well...
Question Man: What happened to all our powers?
Awesome Man: Well...
High Flyer #1: Awesome Man! We can't fly!
High Flyer #2: Help! Help!
High Flyer #3: We're grounded!
High Flyers #1: Try again, Flyers. Jump! Jump!
High Flyer #2: Fly! Fly!
High Flyer #3: Whee! Whee! See?
All High Flyers: It's not working!
Question Man: How can we help people without our super powers?
The Human Iceburg: We're done for! We'll never be super heroes again!
Answer Man: Now calm down, people! It's not that bad!
High Flyer #1: But we can't fly!
The Human Iceburg: And I can't freeze!
Breakfast Man: And I can't make super toast!
Answer Man: Maybe we don't have super powers, but there are lots of ways to help people without super powers!
Question Man: Like what?
Answer Man: Like...be friendly to people who don't have many friends!
High Flyer #2: Oh! And pick up a pencil for someone who drops it!
High Flyer #3: And stand up for someone who is getting picked on!
The Human Iceburg: Or share your lunch with somebody who doesn't have one!
Answer Man: That's right! We don't need super powers to be super heroes, right guys?
All Heroes: Right!
Bad Guy #1: Impossible!
Bad Guy #2: No fair!
Bad Guy #3:Blast!
Bad Guy #4: Nuts!
Awesome Man: Hey look, those must be the evil bad guys!
All Bad Guys: Uh-oh...
(All the HEROES chase all the BAD GUY off the stage)
Round 1 is finally done. I can't tell you how psyched I am about the Aeros moving on to play the Admirals in round 2.
Tonight, the Caps finally shook off those pesky Rangers 2-1, winning the series 4 games to 3. Meanwhile, New Jersey took a 3-2 lead into the final 90 seconds of the game at home...and lost in regulation, 4-3, to Carolina. (This the same Carolina team that blew a 3-0 lead to the Devils before scoring the winning goal with 0.2 seconds left) Best series of the first round officially goes to the Devils and Hurricanes. Though, you know, that's probably very poor consolation for the Devils and their fans.
Round two looks like this:
#8 Anaheim vs. #2 Detroit
#4 Chicago vs. #3 Vancouver
#6 Carolina vs. #1 Boston
#4 Pittsburgh vs. #2 Washington
More on this later!
Finally, this is possibly the most amusing hockey headline I've seen all year. From the Houston Press (it's almost like real news, only with bad words and snarky commentary!)