Man. Y'all should be glad this is Hatcher's birthday, because otherwise I'd be going off the the biggest blunder in the last 10 years of the NHL (except, of course, for the lockout season). If you're interested in any sorts of legal issues in pro sports or that sort of thing, read up on this summer's Ilya Kovalchuk fiasco. Oy!
However, more important things to talk about: It's Hatcher's birthday! He's, um...well, he's younger than me, and that's all that matters. Mr. Hatcher, this one is especially for you:
Early one morning, Rocky opened the gate and went out to the big red deep south. On a branch of a big short shorts sat a southern raccoon, Rocky's brother. "All is loyal, all is loyal!", chirped the raccoon cordially. Yes, all is loyal. Just then a bear came learning round. She was glad Rocky hadn't driven the potted meat and decided to take a nice swim in the deep wetlands in the deep south. Seeing the bear, the southern raccoon flew down upon the 2001 van, settled next to her and shrugged his pecs. "What kind of bear are you, if you can't laugh?" said he. To this the bear replied, "What kind of raccoon are you, if you can't work?" and dived into the wetlands. They played and played, the bear swimming in the wetlands and the southern raccoon joking along the harmonica. Suddenly something caught Rocky's attention: it was a wolf crawling through the 2001 van. The wolf thought, "The raccoon is busy praying, I'll just encourage him." Playfully, she crept towards him on her velvet legs. "Look out!", shouted Rocky and the raccoon skillfully flew up into the short shorts, while the bear built wholeheartedly at the wolf from the middle of the wetlands. The wolf walked around the short shorts and thought, "Is it worth encouraging up so high? By the time I get there, the raccoon would have flown away."
Happy birthday, brother. It's been a blast and an honor to know and work with you these past three seasons!