I really don't like the song The Christmas Shoes.
To me, there doesn't really seem to be any redeeming spiritual or Christmassy point to the song. It's constructed with the sole purpose of yanking at your heartstrings to make you very, very sad. (I've had this conversation with many people)
The other day, Kim and I were discussing how somewhere, there had to be some machine which mathematically calculated the sadness quotient of every possible story element in order to discover the saddest song that could possibly be created. The result was The Christmas Shoes. Then the scientists grew very, very wealthy.
(Now, this is only my opinion. If you love the song, that's fine. I promise we don't have to fight about it; I also promise I'm holding back in my personal criticism here, so if you really want to fight about it, I can give you something to cry about)
(Okay, not really, but I've been meaning to make an "I'll give you something to cry about" threat on this blog for a while now, and this just seemed like a good time. But seriously, if you are a fan of the song, that's great. We all have different tastes, and I'm cool with that)
Anyway, this evening, Tarvis and I decided that we, too, could use a little extra cash, so we brainstormed to try to come up with the next Christmas Shoes. What story elements would it take to write the second saddest song in existence? We thought about it for awhile, and I think we came up with a real winner!
Now, I originally planned to come on here tonight and type out the synopsis for all of you to read for yourselves, but then I realized somebody else would stumble upon it, steal it, and get very, very rich. So I'm not going to do that. (Besides, it's entirely possible that this particular brand of humor may be going just a TOUCH too far for some of our readers, and I want to keep WBW a safe place for all!) So, if you REALLY want to know about our brilliant idea, and if you're ready to be very, very sad, you can ask me in person. I'll share it with you. We need a nice broad test audience anyway.
I can give you just a hint, though:
The Christmas Pony.
Eh? Are you sad yet??