Saturday, March 27, 2010

v2, d27: ENERGY LEGS!!!

This is a story about my sister-in-law Julie.

Julie and I were recently talking about high-heeled shoes, and how it's weird that women like to wear them.

Please note: I didn't say it was bad that women wear them, and I understand and agree that they bring an element of class and style and femininity to an outfit, but with the amount that ladies complain about how badly they hurt, it's puzzling to most men that someone would actually want to wear them given the choice between heels and, say, anything that's comfortable and functional. Again, not judging, but you have to admit that the idea of inventing something to wear that is neither comfortable nor functional is odd (though, historically speaking, not uncommon).

I have similar thoughts about the pommel horse in men's gymnastic competitions. Yes, I can envision the conversation/show-off session around which the sport was born, but the fact that it caught on is a bit bewildering.


Julie mentioned that she wished she could wear heels at work (she's a nurse) because it would help her reach the things on the top shelves of the supply closets (she's a short nurse). I told her she could just as easily invest in some plaster stilts, and that they'd help her reach far higher than the heels would. She said they didn't really make stilts for comfortable walking, so I asked if she'd ever seen any of those jogging/exercise stilts that I'd occasionally seen on late-night infomercial programs. (You know, the kind of place where you find all sorts of things that can be paid for in three easy payments and, if you order now, they'll send you a second one for free, despite the fact they said the first will never wear out) She looked at me as though I was making this up, so I hopped on Google to see if I could find the commercial online.

I came across a web site for DC Power Stilts, and it had lots of useful video clips.

Here's the first one we came across:

"Wow," she said. "Now, instead of just changing out their meds, I can do a handstand/flip off the wall while I write my name on the dry erase board!" I commented that such an action would probably make her the coolest nurse in the history of the state of Oklahoma.

We watched some more videos (which I'll spare you now) featuring these amazing Power Stilts before I came across one called "Awesome Stunts." Well, this sounded promising, so we watched it, only to discover that almost every stunt was a variation of jumping down an entire flight of stairs at once OR back-flipping over a car.

Also noteworthy, the only people we'd seen on these videos up to this point were guys in their twenties OR beautiful young women who seemed to find these men mysterious and attractive.

Just when I was starting to think that Power Stilts were a boys' only club, we came across this gem. Go Go Powerisers!

Lesson learned: guys backflip over cars on power stilts, and lame things. Like throw hissy fits and talk on their phones.

Way to shatter those feminine stereotypes, ladies.

Anyway, Power Stilts look like a lot of fun. At over $200, they also look like a colossal waste of money. And by comparison, they make high heels look a heck of a lot more sensible.

Though I'll bet you can't backflip over a car in heels.