Wednesday, March 3, 2010

v2, d3: Space Adventure: A True Story of What Really Happens in Space

Okay. Not feeling particularly well this evening, so I'm just going to post this script I was talking about in yesterday's post and call it good.

Because clearly, it is good. When you hear people talking about what an awesome playwright I am? This right here is the stuff they're talking about.


In all sincerity, though, (HA!) I have to say that it was written specifically to be amusing for some 2nd and 3rd grade kids, and to that end it was highly, highly successful. Any incorrect information that may have been insinuated about space travel or the use(s) of plutonium are strictly not really that big a deal.






Two astronauts, JENNY and ALLISON, sitting at a computer. Enter CAPTAIN KATE.

KATE: All right, astronauts, on your feet!

JENNY: What's up, Captain Kate?

KATE: What's up? I'll tell you what's up! They've just discovered a brand new planet on the very edge of the solar system!

ALLISON: Uh-oh. Sounds like she's going to make us work!

KATE: You can say that again, cadet!

ALLISON: Uh-oh. Sounds like she's going to make us work!

JENNY: That's exciting news, Captain, but what does it have to do with us?

KATE: NASA has decided that the first astronauts to explore this new planet will get to name the planet anything they like!

ALLISON: Cool! What are we going to name it?

KATE: Planet Kate, of course!

JENNY: Planet Kate? You want to name the planet after yourself?

KATE: Why not?

JENNY: What about the two of us?

KATE: We can name a moon or something after you.

ALLISON: I guess that sounds fair. When do we leave?

KATE: Now! Soon! As soon as we can get the space ship loaded!

ALLISON: Right! I'll pack the food!

JENNY: That figures.

KATE: Jenny, you pack the rest of the equipment. And I will call the orders. All right girls, let's move!

Scene 2

On a faraway planet, GLORPY and WIZZBIT are carrying a heavy box. In rushes CAPTAIN NARTHAX.

NARTHAX: Glorpy! Wizzbit!


NARTHAX: You be careful with that box! That's our entire supply of plutonium! If you drop it, it'll explode, and then we won't have anything to eat for the entire trip!

WIZZBIT: Yeah. Where are we going, again?

NARTHAX: I told you, our scientists just discovered a new planet, and we're going to be the very first ones to explore it!

WIZZBIT: Oh yeah....why are we doing that?

GLORPY: Can't you remember anything? It's the gibbledegorb shortage! There's no gibbledegorb left anywhere on the planet, and we have to find some more!

WIZZBIT: Oh yeah! So wait, is there gibbledegorb on this new planet?

NARTHAX: There's only one way to find out, Wizzbit!

WIZZBIT: Oh do we find out?

GLORPY: Just come on already!

Scene 3

Both groups are in space ships headed in the same direction. WIZZBIT and ALLISON are the ones flying the ships.

KATE: Make sure you let us know when we're close to the new planet, Cadet Allison.

ALLISON: What's it look like?

JENNY: It's a planet. It's a giant planet! It should be the only big planet-looking thing in the area.

ALLISON: Ohhhhh, I got it!

GLORPY: We'd better get to this new planet soon. We're almost out of fuel!

WIZZBIT: Does the new planet look kind of like a small spaceship?

NARTHAX: What? No! Planets don't look like spaceships!

WIZZBIT: Okay. Just wondering.

KATE: Allison! Did you pack the food?


KATE: Did you bring anything besides peanut butter?

ALLISON: I don't think so, why?

JENNY: You mean all we have to eat for the entire trip is peanut butter?

ALLISON: Don't you like peanut butter?

KATE: Not for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner!

ALLISON: You're weird. Hey, I think we're about to hit something.

JENNY: I'm about to hit you! Who goes on a mission to another planet and brings nothing to eat?

ALLISON: Um, I think there's something coming at us.

NARTHAX: If we don't find some more gibbeldegorb to power our ship on this new planet, we'll never get back home!

GLORPY: That would be sad. I left all my stuff at home!

WIZZBIT: I think that thing that isn't a planet is probably going to hit us.


ALLISON: I'm pretty sure we're going to crash.


They crash.

Scene 4

The two ships have crash landed on opposite sides of the stage.

KATE: Cadet Jenny! Status report!

JENNY:'s complicated.

ALLISON: We crashed.

KATE: I know that! Wait..this is it! This is it! We've found Planet Kate!

JENNY: That’s great, Captain, but we lost all our plutonium in the wreck!

KATE: ALL of it??

JENNY: Yeah, there’s this big crack in the…

ALLISON: It’s all right, everybody! The peanut butter is o-kay!

NARTHAX: Glorpy, can you fix the ship?

GLORPY: Sure can. But there’s not really any point. . We’ve completely run out of gibbledegorb!

WIZZBIT: Is this the new planet? Because if it is, then I found it.

NARTHAX: What did we crash into?

WIZZBIT: Planet.

NARTHAX: No, I mean up there in space!

GLORPY: It was probably a meteor or something.

NARTHAX: Maybe. Or maybe it was that spaceship sitting right over there!


Sees the other ship. The humans and aliens see each other for the first time.




KATE: Don’t panic.

NARTHAX: They might be friendly.

JENNY: They could be nice aliens.

GLORPY: They might know if there’s gibbeldegorb here!

KATE: We need to try to make friends.

NARTHAX: Maybe they’ll help us.

ALLISON: I’ll give them a nice sandwich. That’s a great way to make friends!

WIZZIBT: Maybe they’d like a snack! I’ll go get one!

KATE: I was thinking more like a handshake.

JENNY: Great idea, Captain Kate!

NARTHAX: Let’s extend the intergalactic sign for friendship!

GLORPY: Right!

KATE and JENNY extend their hands to shake while NARTHAX and GLORPY raise their fists, as if to fight.

JENNY: Uh-oh.

GLORPY: Well that’s a bummer.

KATE: It looks like they want to fight.

NARTHAX: They’ve given the intergalactic sign for war!

JENNY: I hate fighting.

GLORPY: This is going to get messy.

ALLISON: Here! I’ve got sandwiches for everybody!


GLORPY: They’ve got gibbeldegorb!

NARTHAX: LOTS of gibbledegorb!

JENNY: What happened? Why aren’t they fighting?

NARTHAX takes a sandwich from ALLISON.

NARTHAX: We’re saved!

He and GLORPY dance.

KATE: Are they dancing?

ALLISON: I told you, everybody loves peanut butter.

KATE: Cadet Allison, you’re brilliant! Hurry! It looks like they want some more!

ALLISON: But…then there won’t be any for us…

WIZZBIT: Here, I’ve got some yummy plutonium. Maybe they’ll trade with us.

KATE: Jumping Jupiter, is that….

JENNY: Plutonium! More than enough to get us home!

ALLISON: That’s cool.

KATE: Hurry! Trade with them, trade with them!

ALLISON shoves the box of peanut butter to the aliens and takes the jar of plutonium. Everyone but ALLISON and WIZZBIT is dancing for joy.

NARTHAX: Our whole planet is saved!

KATE & JENNY: We’re going home!

KATE: And I’ll be famous!

JENNY: And I’ll get a moon or something named after me!

The aliens bow to the humans and start to load the gibbledegorb into their ship. The humans start to load the plutonium into theirs.

ALLISON: Um…hey, Captain Kate?

WIZZBIT: Narthax?

ALLISON: Do you think it would be okay if I went with the aliens?

WIZZBIT: Can I go ride on that space ship instead?

KATE: What?


ALLISON: Well…I don’t know if I want to ride home on a ship that doesn’t have any peanut butter to snack on.

WIZZBIT: I’m hungry. If they have all the plutonium, then what am I supposed to eat on the way home?

KATE: You really want to live on an alien world…

NARTHAX: You really want to leave your home planet…

KATE: …for snack food?

NARTHAX: …for snack food?


ALLISON: I like peanut butter.

KATE looks at JENNY, NARTHAX looks at GLORPY. They all shrug, and then ALLISON and WIZZBIT switch sides.


WIZZBIT: Yippee!

All climb into their spaceships.

NARTHAX: All right, Glorpy!

KATE: Ready, Jenny? We’re going home!

NARTHAX: Let’s get out of here!

Spaceships blast off.

ALLSION: So, um…where are we going??